What is Your "Why?" - Episode 40
Melina: What did you say? French fries? Huh?
Dave: All right. Let's do this. Let's roll. We need French fries, so let's get out of here.
Melina: Welcome to Flippin’ Off, a purpose-driven podcast about flipping houses and making a difference.
Melina: Hey everybody. I didn't know who was opening. I guess it's me because I got the finger pointed at me. I mean, not the... You know what I mean. All right. I got the sign. All right. So, Melina Boswell here along with my beautiful wonderful husband, Dave Boswell. Say hi.
Dave: I was just hearing you say beautiful wonderful, I was like, "Who should..." I thought you were gonna say, Oscar.
Oscar: Oh, no.
Melina: No. He's a hot hunk.
Dave: Oh gosh. All right. Cut, edit, take two.
Melina: No. Come on.
Oscar: Rewind. Rewind.
Melina: Oh, come on. And with Oscar Solaris.
Oscar: Hey there.
Melina: And we have a special guest today, one of our students, Monica Barrios.
Monica: Hello, everybody.
Melina: So, yeah. So, this is the first time that we are starting a trend, if you will. I guess it's something that I've had the heart to do which is to spotlight a student and not for any particular reason. So, I was saying earlier, it's really simple to bring on a student who just got a check, who just closed their first deal, who, you know, whatever, or who's closed lots of deals. And so my feeling was that it's important for club members to hear from other club members that are like in the trenches that are in the middle of their journey that are people who we see. When I say we I mean like leadership. When I look around and I see people that I think are solid, people that are other...
Melina: Committed. Somebody who I... People who I think are a contribution to the club in terms of like who we are, what we stand for, what we do and that are really willing to...and I think engage in the journey because that's the most difficult part. Most people I believe don't have the stomach to stay in and I feel like so much of what I've been feeling maybe because it's 2018 and it's a new year and there's just a lot of things happening. I've been feeling this or hearing the words just stay in, and I think most people don't have the wherewithal, the... You know what I'm saying.
Dave: The insight as to what it looks like to even stay in because you're talking about a lot of things.
Dave: So, we... So, I don't know Monica all that well. I see her in class and I told her actually she does a really good job at hiding. So, we did a little bit of pre-interview, if you will before we came in here to sit down because I wanted to really get some... You know what? I want students to be able to each and every podcast to stand alone and make sure that it's not just us in here having a conversation that's just like we're talking but they need a nugget. They need something to take away, something that can be applicable to not only the brand new student but the student that's been here for a year, maybe the student's been here for five years or the student's been here since the beginning, whatever. And we all go through peaks and valleys every single one of us. So, there's... Melina and I are not immune to that. Oscar is not immune to that. Anyone in here with any sort of level of success in their small business, they're being an entrepreneur, it's going to have its ups and downs, right? And so, part of having Monica in here is that you've been here now, you're working into year three.
Monica: Yes. I'm starting my third year.
Dave: You're starting your third year. So, three years as a club member. And so there were some very interesting things that I'm going to want you to talk about with the listeners out there that I think are important. They're important for Melina and I hear because it gives us the insight because when we're up teaching and training, hearing those things from you that you're willing to share gives us an understanding of other people's processes and how they hear things. Melina says something, you heard it differently, right?
Dave: You heard it through your life experience and you're filtering and so forth. And then we're saying things one way and we wanna make sure we try to capture as much of our audience and make it applicable as much as possible because we really do want us to have people have success. Like, we're not sitting here recording a podcast because we have nothing better to do. I've got a laundry list of things that I could be doing right now and knowing that this is something that is very important that we need to do. So, given that, why don't either Oscar or Melina, why don't you share the initial conversation you had with me as to why you pitched me on the idea of let's bring Monica on here?
Oscar: Sure. So, for me, I think... So, I've been working with Monica for six, seven months now because of the property that we're working on together and doing. But what really stood out to me was a couple of classes ago Melina was teaching and there was a conversation, there's some dialogue going on in the classroom. And somehow, someway, Monica ended up with the microphone in her hand and was asked to share, and just the level of clarity that she had in what she was sharing really set me back a little bit, and it was really cool to hear you share that. And I don't wanna go into the details of what you shared because it's entirely up to if you wanna share that again. I think we're gonna touch on a few things anyways, but it was really, it was heartfelt, and it was something that, if I remember correctly, there was a bit of a round of applause that took place after she spoke because what you shared really affected and impacted people who were sitting in class, and it really had to do with your journey, the struggles that you faced, how you're able to stick to it even though you were facing some things in life, and here you are today still, right? You're in your third year. So, to me, that... Melina was talking about people that exemplify who we are as a club, that is it for me, right? Is that person that commits that is willing to put in the effort, the time, and continue to move forward regardless of what is thrown their way. So, that's really what sparked it for me is that it made sense to bring Monica in and let the rest of the folks really hear this from her.
Dave: And would you add anything to that, honey?
Melina: No, I think that's perfect.
Dave: It's perfect. Okay. So, let's talk a little about that. So, Monica, you were saying earlier prior to joining the club in your business you were the boss?
Monica: Correct. I used to manage a team of 400 people at times.
Monica: So, I'm used to people just doing whatever I say.
Dave: So, you're the boss, go get it done.
Dave: Okay. So you came with an expectation that when people say they're going to do something, they're actually gonna do it?
Monica: Yes. You're committed to showing up at a certain time, you're there on time or early.
Dave: Right. Okay. And so you come in and you dive all in. And when I say dive all in, you're involved in partner curriculum, you're involved in classes. First year, what's that look like for you?
Monica: So, first year, I didn't know anything about real estate and during RVP Melina said, "Come to every class, repeat them, show up for everything and/or not consistently." That's what I did. I was like, "It's gonna work for you, you're gonna be a successful as long as you do what she says." What I didn't realize is how hard it was gonna be every single day to show up. So, every single day I wanted to quit at moments more than others because she doesn't really detail exactly how hard it is. And I don't think you can until you're actually in it and you feel depressed every day because you're not making improvements with your conversations, people say they're gonna door-knock with you, they don't, and then you start door-knock with somebody and you realize that they don't really want this, they want something else, and then you're back to square one.
So, it does get very depressing, you have stress from your loved ones, you got to make money. What's going on? You're always gone. You're not bringing anything back. So, it does get difficult and it's like, how can you keep showing up? And it just, for me, it started simple with commitment. So, I think if everybody can at least fully commit and get through those difficult times, they'll have a chance.
And Melina had said it a few times, like, "Why aren't you waking up early and starting your business earlier if you don't have the time?" I was like, "I am already doing that. Like, I'm up at 5:00 a.m. in the morning, and what else do I need to do?" It's like I'm doing everything she says, It's still not coming. It's still not coming. Unfortunately, I missed the big piece of developing myself, that confidence, the mental piece that I was missing, and they kept talking about the mindset, the mindset. Well, unless you know what the mindset is, you're not gonna have the right mindset. So, I remember early on, Dave suggested a book about the mindset and I got this book I'm like, "I'm gonna read it because I do everything you guys tell me." I open this book and it was like it was in a different language and I was like, "I don't understand this book. Like, it's in English but I don't understand this." "Millionaire Mindset," I believe it was." I was like, "What is that? I need something simple." So, I did find a simple book. Somebody recommended "The One Thing". I was like, "This is English." Like, commit, focus. What do you focus on? Make the time to do it. Do it. I'm like, "That's my book right there. Let's just focus on this right now." That's what I went with.
As time went on, I kind of started getting the mindset thing down. I showed up to the Mastermind Meetings and I said, "No matter what, I'm gonna talk at the Mastermind Meeting." My first Mastermind Meeting I said one thing, "I'm here to make money." That's where my mind was, 100% where my mind was. And I actually forgot it, but another club member brought it up like, I don't know, eight months later. And I felt uncomfortable like, "Dang, I said that?" But it was. It was really about where I was at. That was my only goal. I had to make money. I had to bring food to the table. But that's also what got me through every single day. Every single time that somebody told me no, a deal didn't work, somebody didn't show up, I just stayed committed. I have to make this work. I already invested money in it. I already invested time in it. I'm not a quitter. I wasn't raised that way. So, just keep doing what they tell you. And whenever I felt like something was wrong and I go to class and I'd be like, "Oh, that's it. Melina said don't take on too many leads. You're gonna lose track." And so, I could find my answers in class. I was just missing the big piece of the mindset.
Dave: Yeah. So, the personal development piece that we talked about and... At what point did you start going to the Mastermind Meetings?
Monica: From the beginning.
Dave: From the beginning.
Dave: And when you went there, your first Initial thought was, "I'm only here to make money."
Monica: Yeah, because I didn't quite understand the mindset thing.
Monica: I couldn't see that far into the future of being that successful.
Dave: Yeah. Do you think that would be a common struggle you would hear from other students as well? Like, you've door-knocked with a lot of people, you've met a lot of students. Would you think that would be a common thought process for them, "I'm here, I need to make money."
Monica: Yeah. I think everybody's there just to make money. And until they get to that place where their mindset is right, then they can see exactly how much more they can do besides just make money.
Dave: Right. Interesting. And so that took you, because of who you are and your personality and your commitment for the year, right? So, the first year you're just coming to class, I'm just plugging along, gotta be frustrated at the same time.
Dave: Gotta be somewhat depressing.
Dave: Yes. So, you're still doing it, right?
Monica: Yes, because one of the things I did notice, I pay very close attention, nobody ever talks about the first year. They talk about success in their second year. So, I was like, "It would be unreasonable to think I'm gonna have success in my first year when I don't know anything."
Dave: Very good.
Monica: So, the difficulty came more in my second year when I'm like, "Wait. I shouldn't be like Oscar's numbers. Like, come on. At least give me like a little bit Oscar's number." Right?
Dave: Right. What you're talking about is actually something we've seen a lot. People they always want to come in, they'll identify with somebody or something, like, "This person did X, so I wanna be able to do X as well." And the intangible or the variable that we can't...when I cannot go to somebody, and so we can't tell somebody's statistics. We can't say, "If you do this, this will happen," because if it was some sort of algorithm or formula, then everybody would have the same result. Right? And so your first year of, "I'm going out and I need to make money." So, certainly, would you think that affected like when you were talking to homeowners, the conversations and the different things that happen when you're looking at them and all you see is a dollar sign? Do you think that probably hurt some of those potential leads?
Monica: It could have. I think more of my challenge was the confidence in what I was capable of doing. So, yes, in the back of mind I always have, "I need money," but I also knew that I had enough to get by for that year. So, I wasn't so much chasing that, but I have that confidence of, "You know what? I can really help you save your home. Like, I'm that good." I'm not. You know, like, I don't have that like, "Who am I to be..."
Dave: So, you're leaning on you because you were the boss always.
Monica: Yeah. So, I don't know enough about real estate to really be confident about saving your home or figuring out a way to make this a good thing for you. And that's the kind of confidence that I lacked. I mean, I went there wanted to help people, like, I'm not a shady person, but can I really do it?
Dave: Okay. And you've also you were grabbing anybody to basically go door-knocking with.
Dave: It wasn't like you wanna go, let's just go. And you said you didn't like that. That didn't work out too well for you.
Monica: Yeah. The hardest part for me was them not showing up because I've worked with some really good people that are actually highly intelligent and could be so successful if they would just commit to it.
Melina: Isn't that the most amazing thing?
Dave: Yeah, that's crazy.
Monica: And it's hard when you see it in them and they don't see it in themselves and you're like, "Do you realize, like, you have that conversation, you can see the full deal, you can see how you can help them, everything, but yet you don't show up?"
Dave: Right. Yeah. Frustrating, right? Yeah. And that's tough because that's the thing Melina and I have learned over the years. Like, I hear one of the very first things out of my mouth on Friday morning when people come and say I'm looking for people that are committed because I can't take time when that person that's not committed. They have all the skill set in the world, right? They can be able to talk to anybody, be fantastic at delivering the information, but if they don't do it on a consistent basis and stay committed, there's no long-term business that's there. So, you get through that and some things start to shift, right? So, tell me about some shifts that happen. What else... Because you're observant. So, I would say you were somebody that was hiding, the way I would put it, right? You're there. I know you're there, but I see you as hiding because you're not...there's no like a lot of interaction and so forth, but you're observing. So, what are the things that's like a year and a half goes in, you said, "I started noticing some things I need to change and I'm making some observations." What were those like? Give us some insights there.
Monica: So, I started knowing that my conversations were better and everybody said when your conversation start getting better, the deal is gonna come.
Dave: Hold on, hold on. How did they get better?
Monica: I had more confidence in my capabilities of helping people.
Dave: Okay. How did you get there?
Monica: I just kept helping people. So, by this time I had called Keep Growing California for People, [SP] helped them fill out applications, helped them fax their paperwork. So, it was more like experience.
Dave: Oh. So, the experience... Oh.
Dave: So, hold on.
Oscar: That might be a nugget.
Dave: There's a light bulb for everybody. So, the confidence came from the experience. So, even when the experiences were, we can call them negative experiences. I got told no, this didn't work out, or whatever, you were still learning from all those experiences.
Dave: Right? Even the non-committed door-knocking partner that showed up, didn't show up, you learn from even those conversations. So, do we realize like we're the sum total of all of our experiences?
Dave: We took all of our experiences and that's who you are today.
Dave: Yeah. Everybody get that?
Dave: So, it's really a big nugget for so many people if they could just stay committed, right? Doesn't mean you do the same thing over and over and over and over and over and over? Right? You have to continue and to apply. So, you came to class, you heard things, now you said, "Oh, I got that." Right? Because I guarantee you heard things differently in year-two than you heard in year-one. Correct?
Dave: But you heard Melina say a lot of the same things.
Dave: And you heard a lot of the coaches said a lot of same things.
Dave: And you're still seeing the same coaches going out and doing it and having results and closing more leads. Correct? And so you said, "Okay. I need to shift what..." I didn't actually hear you say you shifted anything, you said, "Well, I just got more confident." Well, how did that happen? Does the confidence switch come on and then turn it off?
Monica: No. No. No, it stays there.
Dave: Okay. But at some point, it was there.
Monica: Yeah. I just... It was there and it was there. I don't know if it was a big notice, but I just noticed that I could see more and I could see more of what was really going on and what I really needed to do, things that were probably in front of my face all the time that I just didn't realize.
Dave: Yeah. It's true. Gosh. And this is totally off where, honey, you say a lot in class and you talk about like our students don't realize how much they know.
Melina: Yes. Yes.
Dave: The ones that repeat and come back and stay plugged in. You don't realize what you're actually... Because you stay committed, you kept coming to class and you kept doing it. We're talking Japanese to you probably for the first six months, right?
Dave: I have no idea what the heck these things are talking about. You were just talking about the book and whether it was an English or not. It's the same thing that happens here, but at some point, that level of saturation starts happening, you start seeing it, you have your own leads that you're applying the information to, right? And then also and you're like, "I woke up with confidence today." And we all laugh at that, but that's not really what happened.
Monica: It's kind of like that awakening moment, though, when you realize it, though. Sure.
Dave: That's exactly right.
Dave: And that's a huge part of what we're talking about right now, is that if students or whoever's listening to this, if you can get, that doesn't happen, that's not magic, like Melina doesn't give you a pill at class and then you wake up the next day and you have confidence or you feel like this. So, some of the things that are happening, you get the experiences of seeing other people have the success. We don't only talk about success in our club, we talk about the failures and where deals fell apart and why they fell apart and those types of things. So, you're getting all of that immersed into you, but because you stayed plugged in, you sit here today.
Monica: Yep, right. Yep.
Dave: That's such a big deal, like, I just wanted to just drop the mic right now and be like...
Monica: I know.
Dave: That was it. All right.
Monica: I know.
Dave: Good job. Call it a day. Let's go. Let's go eat. No, it's great. It's fantastic because she said it and she didn't know she said it and she didn't know that because she hadn't said that earlier. So, what are... People that are listening right now, and you're gonna sit back and go, "Okay." So, you're observant, right? By your own admission, "I'm observant." What did you observe in that year-one, year-two? What did you observe about the people that had... What would you classify as people that had success, that were closing deals? Because you mentioned, "Gosh, I would come and see the student then I wouldn't see them again, or I'd see them six months later, or this person's there and this person's not there." What would you see? You're gonna give me a few traits of like what these people do? What do they do that...
Monica: So, the people that were being successful were showing up regularly and working their business.
Dave: So, you saw them all the time.
Monica: I saw him all the time.
Dave: Right. And when you say "Working their business," what were they doing?
Monica: They were door-knocking, partnering with a lot of people, talking to Melina about this or that.
Dave: Okay. All right. Anything else?
Monica: I think that's about it.
Dave: When you say partnering with a lot of people, do you see them partnering with a lot of people that come and go?
Monica: Not partnering for their benefit, more for the new person's benefit. I won't say new because most new people go. But they did try to convince them to stay and work the program, but other than that, they weren't getting anything so much out of those students.
Dave: So, they're working with the cream that rises to the top.
Dave: Yeah. So, if you're listening to this and like you're lazy and don't wanna do anything, don't join our club. So...
Melina: What about the person that is already our club member and... Because you know what, Monica? I love how you can say certain things that I can't necessarily say. Like, I could say things to you now because we have that relationship but there are certain things I won't say, but I know people don't actually do what I teach them to do, right? People don't go out door-knocking.
Monica: And it's not easy. I know in the beginning things were different for me being my own boss. And I did. I had to tell myself, "Get your ass off the couch. What are you doing?" And getting my own desk was huge for me because it kept me from the couch.
Melina: That's awesome.
Monica: Unplug the TV. Who needs TV? And that's like the worst thing. I was raised Catholic, raised in the private school. And they said that TV is the devil, and I think it is. If we didn't have it we would be more successful.
Melina: I agree.
Monica: Now I can't even watch TV without getting bored. It drives me insane.
Melina: That's awesome.
Monica: I don't... I spend Saturdays watching football all day long and I watched two recorded games this year right after class because I had to go to class and then afterwards, I went home and I watched them. That's it. I mean, I could have lived without it.
Melina: That's so... That's huge. That is so big because that is a giant shift in your life that most people don't have the discipline I believe to do, and yet people they will say they do, they will make all those statements, they will make all these commitments, but the reality is when the rubber meets the road, people aren't willing to give up the TV, like, literally just give up the TV. Isn't that incredible?
Dave: That's why you don't get the commitment that would be why your frustration was there because those people were not committed in, and like you said, committed to the same level or even just the word committed, right? Like, make some commitment at any level.
Dave: And, yeah, it's tough. These businesses it's not easy.
Monica: Nope. No business is, though.
Dave: I always say that, like, name a business that was so easy that you'd make so much money that life would just be simple, and if that exists, then everybody would do it and everybody will be making money.
Monica: That's exactly right.
Dave: So, I'm glad that it's hard.
Dave: When I say it's hard, it's actually not hard. It's very simple. The processes are very simple.
Dave: It's just not easy because it doesn't come easy and it shouldn't come easy. And so... But people like yourself, that's what makes it worthwhile as well. That's when Melina says, "I'm looking for solid people, solid people of character who say they're going to do what they're going to do despite how they feel, and when I feel like quitting every day and I feel like I don't wanna get off the couch or I don't wanna shift to my desk or whatever the case may be." A lot of people, unfortunately, we see them. We call them retreads too. They'll come in and five years ago they were here and they're like, "Oh my gosh, you guys are still here. This club has grown. What happened?" And we're like, "We keep closing real estate deals." "Well, how are you doing that?" "What we've just been implementing systems we've been doing this for the last five years. Where have you..." "Well, I went to all these different seminars and they sold me like special secret sauce and then I realized that there is no special secret sauce." The secret sauce is finding those other people that can lift you up when you're down, right? We can get together, we can make commitments, we can lock arms, right? Obviously, you guys are talking about working on the house you're working on together that's been... I mean, it's been a journey, right? It's not like it's been an overnight...
Melina: Apparently nothing is gonna be easy for you, Monica because you have such...
Oscar: A journey is a good way to put it.
Dave: Yeah. I mean, it's not overnight. It's not any of that stuff, but it's like... But that's what I wanted to do business-wise.
Melina: Me too. That's the most amazing thing. I mean, the experiences that you guys are getting right now in that deal are amazing. They're... And this is really in my opinion where real character is built, and that's what I see happening in Monica. I see Monica as a person of absolute character. So...
Dave: It's very, very cool.
Oscar: I appreciate everything that she said. But the thing that really stands out to me is... a couple things. One is, forget about committing to my level, just commit, right? We can work with that. Right? But the other she was talking about is showing up, being where you said you're gonna be, and being on time. And I know unequivocally, through this project when I say, "Hey, Monica, we need to go do this," she's absolutely there. She never misses it. Oftentimes she beats me because she'll get there 10 minutes ahead of me, and I'm getting there early and it's like, "Okay. We'll chat." But it's been a lot of growth, a lot of experience that she's picked up through the process because, I mean, we're talking permits, we're talking historical. There's so many different variables in this deal that it's a great lesson, right? And I think I've seen a change in you because of all these things too, right? Just as time has taken place over in 2017 it definitely it was a different Monica showing up. And then earlier we were talking about because you said, Dave, she's done a good job of hiding, right? And that's not the Monica I see today.
Oscar: And that's obviously a choice that you made. So, maybe share a little bit of what drove that choice? What made you finally come to terms with yourself and say, "This is what I'm going to be now."
Monica: So, I believe you were there in the Mastermind with us when I talked about my real why now that I finally got to it. In the beginning, we're supposed to have this why that's not child related. I didn't understand at the time. I'm like, "What is Melina talking about? My why is my kids. Like, if I can't take care of them, I don't understand this thing. And as time went on I was like, "What is the why? If it's not that then what is she talking about?" And I started noticing when you become your own boss but you hold yourself accountable you get happier because you know what's going on. There's nobody doing something shady on the side to you and you don't understand it. It's you doing something to yourself. So, as I got happy I'm like, "Oh, okay. This is more like a why that I can feel, happiness, I'm doing better at home, my relationships are getting better, I don't have all that craziness." I have stress but I know exactly where it's coming from. I know who's causing it. And then I read a book because now I read books and it helped me go a couple more steps deeper to my why. And my why ended up being related back to my purpose which is awakening worth in others and I'm like, "This is why I do it. This is why I get so frustrated when people don't show up because now I can't be happy." Because knocking on doors does not make me happy. I mean, it's great when I can help somebody.
Monica: Don't get me wrong. But that's not what really makes me happy. It's the conversation in the car, talking about how we're gonna level up, how you can do all this and how you can be successful and all that. That's where I'm happy. So, I did talk about that in the Mastermind last time where I finally figured that light bulb and how everything's tied together and I'm out of the darkness. So, I try to build my plan around 2018 on that. So, I had a meeting in December with my partners and I've tried to work on that and gave them certain activities to do to see if I could enlighten them before the meeting. I've got some challenges this year coming up. But if I can just stay with that and still do my business, it's gonna be good, I'm gonna be happy. And that's part of what the class try to talk more. And it's easier for me to talk when I know what I'm talking about.
Monica: And I'm like, "I need to share this. Like, this light bulb went off. I need to share it," and I did. I think I was like the first one to talk.
Oscar: That's awesome.
Monica: I don't even know if they knew what I was talking about, but some of them look glazed, but it's okay. If one person got it, I'm good. Like, that was my whole purpose.
Dave: You never know. When they say eight months ago I heard you say this.
Melina: Yep. You'll be shocked.
Dave: Just like you just said.
Monica: Yeah, I hate that first one.
Oscar: Well, I can tell you that at that Mastering the Mindset meeting that actually already happened. I had somebody come up to me and say, "I wasn't sure I should be here. I'm ready to give up. I just can't stay committed. But I had a conversation with Monica and she said, "Come to the Mastering the Mindset meeting. Just be there. I promise you it's gonna work, and you're gonna to be fine." So, she did and she left... She came in honestly watery eyes just broken down and left revitalized, rejuvenated, ready to go do things again. So, that effect is already happening, right, which I love to see that. I love to see our club members step into that role of leading the way like the leadership side of things.
Melina: Yeah. Monica, you are 100% awakening worth. That is absolutely who you are. And I am so, so happy for you that you have identified it and that now you're living it. It's like, it's just amazing. So, I couldn't be happier.
Dave: Well, congrats.
Monica: Thank you.
Dave: I'm grateful that you're here this morning. I thank you for taking the time to come share with us and not paint like this rosy picture of, "All this is just gonna be easy overnight," and even the journey that you thought it was gonna be easy overnight and you wanted it to be easy overnight, but you stayed in the course and now being in a deal with Oscar and I'm sure that's one of many to come based on your mindset and you showing up to be now. So, I'm excited for that and at the same time, I'm ready for lunch. I don't about any of you guys.
Dave: But this has been great and very fulfilling for me as well. So, awesome. So, we'll catch you guys next time.
Melina: You're right. Flipping out.
Dave: Flipping out.
Oscar: Flipping out.