Choose Your Word - Episode 63
Melina: Test one, two. Test, test. The arsonist has odd feet.
Kevin: Red leather, yellow leather.
Melina: Red leather, yellow leather.
Melina: Welcome to Flippin’ Off, a purpose-driven podcast about flipping houses and making a difference.
Well, hello everybody. Melina Boswell here, Co-Founder of New Wealth Advisors Club, NWAC, and today I have in the studio with me Mr. Christian Rios.
Christian: Hello world.
Melina: Kevin Castillo.
Kevin: That's right, I'm here.
Melina: Tim Wilkinson.
Melina: Oscar Solares. Here's what's happening.
Oscar: I'm good.
Melina: All right. And last but certainly not least, Mr. Frank Luna.
Frank: Hello everyone.
Melina: All right. And I just wanna acknowledge Frank has a growth on his nose, so...
Frank: Worth speaking that we're getting it taken care of, don't worry.
Melina: I know, I know. And so the funniest thing is when my granddaughter, Trinity, saw it, and she was like staring right at it, picking at it, and said, "What is it?" Anyway, so, I just wanna acknowledge it because otherwise it will be, like, in my space.
So, today... Yeah, I do have to scroll through thoughts and moments. So today we're gonna discuss something that I think is important, powerful, and yet terrifying. I think like most things in life.
So, a couple of years ago I was...I don't even know exactly how this happened for me, but I was reading something and I came up with this word, kept on showing up for me, and that was in 2016, toward the end of the year in 2016. And I guess, as I look back now, 2016 was a year of everything new. There were so many changes and it was really, I think, now the beginning of the shift that is I'm experiencing right now. I've described my life recently as a trembling that I feel, and if I look back, I can see that the trembling started in 2016. It started in the beginning of 2016 for me personally with health issues, and it's just continued through 2016, 2017, and clearly 2018.
So, as I was reading in 2016, a word kept on showing up for me, and I had this deep feeling in my spirit that this was a word that I needed to take on. And the word spoke to me, and the word was "fearless." And I wasn't sure what that meant, but I, as I was praying and reading, the word "fearless" kept on showing up and I just got the idea that I would adopt the word "fearless." It would be sort of my answer to everything happening in my life. It was kind of like an anthem, I think.
And so I shared it finally at some point with my crew and I said, "Hey guys, so here's my word. Fearless." And then I found out that there's an entire book written on...it's called "The One Word that will Change your Life." And the book is fantastic. It's an easy little read. They brag that you can read the entire book in 44 minutes, which you really can. But it really encourages you or challenges you to pick a word, one word, and make that your word for the year.
So, I challenged everybody to do it I guess actually in 2018. I don't think I did in 2017. Or did I in 2017? Do you guys remember?
Kevin: I think that's when...I think that's like the first time you did it.
Melina: Okay, yeah, I did. Did I use the book though?
Kevin: You did. You did.
Melina: Oh, I did? Because I think I shared with them, I have this word, "fearless." And ‘Sito was like, "Oh yeah, I've been doing that for a while." ‘Sito was the one who shared the book with me.
Kevin: Yeah, and then I shared the Bible study. Because the first time I saw it was through the YouVersion Bible App.
Melina: The YouVersion, right.
Kevin: So, all the different plans, and I found the One Word Bible Study. The One Word Bible Study. And then you talked about, "Oh, I didn't know they came up with a book." And I'm like, "Oh, that's pretty cool. I know I saw that before." And I was like, "Oh, it's what I do towards the end of the year, what I've been doing the last, like, four years now." Like three or four...
Melina: So Kevin's been doing it for the last four years and didn't bother sharing it with us. Wow.
Oscar: He shared it with me.
Melina: Oh, okay. So go ahead, Oscar.
Oscar: Yeah, he did. So, the first time I did it was in 2016 and it was good, right? Because I actually needed to go through that process in order to get through a few things in 2016. Anyways, it was good. And we'll talk more about that afterwards.
Melina: Well, I don't know if there's any afterward, maybe we should just start bantering around now. So, Kevin, how did you find it? Would you share that? Like, how did you come across it? Like, what was the...
Kevin: Well, because I was like, every like Bible study that was out there, I just started going through it. I was like, "I wanna get more in the Word. I wanna be more, you know, I wanna be more connected with God. I wanna figure out, like, what the purpose is for what I'm doing, with everything that I'm doing." Like, there's a reason why, you know, I'm here. There's a reason why I'm part of this. What's my role? Like, what did that look like for me?
Melina: So, when you were looking through on the YouVersion, were you looking like through plans?
Kevin: Yeah, I was looking through all the plans, all the different plans. And that's like the one word that will change your life or your years, I think. I forget what it was. But that's what I started looking and I was like, "Oh, then it's only like a few day Bible study?
Melina: Yeah. You're like, "Wait, I can change my life with a few days of Bible study."
Oscar: Four days? What?
Kevin: So, like, it was so, so easy to do that, and I wanted to have... Because we do like the two-word purpose statement, and the Bible study was like, "Be very specific on the word you're doing so that it stays with you." So everything you do, that's the one word that you're gonna go back to. When something doesn't look right or when things are tough, remember that one word and that's gonna keep you going. That's what happened.
Melina: It's really good. So what was your first word?
Kevin: I was just going through it, and Oscar... Oscar just... I have it in my phone somewhere because every year I would make a picture that I would put as my background for the whole year, and...
Melina: On your phone?
Kevin: On my phone so that I would have it... I have to go through it though. But I had it just so that I can remember whenever, like... I mean, today is a shitty day, and then I looked at my phone, I was like, "Okay."
Melina: So, can you maybe share what some of your words have been?
Kevin: This last year was "choose." I was stuck between I think for like two or three months between "choose" and "time."
Melina: "Choose" and "time."
Kevin: So, "choose" and "time." Yeah, "choose" and "time." And I remember talking to Oscar, we were driving to like one of the properties one day and we were talking about it. And it's like I either choose what I'm doing and like really commit, or I was thinking, "This is the time. Like, the time is now. Like, don't waste time." So, I ended up going with "choose," and everything... Like this year, I choose to be here. I choose to... Like, I'm still not perfect, but I choose to, like, have joy instead of everything else. So, just choose.
Melina: Wow. Like choice is such a...that's a good word, "choose." I mean, that's a big word because, yeah, you recognize the freedom that you have because you could choose pain, right? Wow, it's good.
So, Oscar, why don't you share a little bit about what your journey has been like, would you? So, if you don't mind, because I'll... Yeah, maybe everybody can share, kind of. But since you started, your first word was in 2016?
Oscar: It was. And at the time, well, I wanna say that it was year one, year two of having some family members staying at the house, right, that Rebecca had invited over to stay for an extended stay because they needed some help. And it was challenging for me personally, right, because it wasn't something that was very easy for me to do. So that's when, by all coincidence, Kevin says, "Hey, look, I'm doing this Bible study." "Yeah, let me check it out."
So I did and I went through the process. And I reached a point where I was like, "Really? That's the word?" And interestingly enough, right, year one for me, the word was "love," right? And you know some of the back story to this. So, for me to embrace that word and what it really meant, and then to be able to do what it means when it's the last thing I would ever want to do in that situation was it really pushed me and stretched me. And it turned out well.
And the thing that I find interesting about it is that it was so perfect for that time, but it's not just for that time. It carries over. So now love is part of who I am. Year two, it was...I adopted yours, "fearless," because it was absolutely what I needed for that year. And it wasn't because I said, "Ooh, that's the one I'm gonna go with." It was like, "Oh crap, that's what I need to do," right? And then for this last year, it was "truth."
Melina: Yeah, 2018 was "truth."
Oscar: 2018 was "truth." And, you know, you got to live into what that word is and what it stands for. And it's not just about me though, right? What you find when you go through this process is that it's about who you are to others. It's how you show up for other people, similar to the two-word purpose statement. But this is one word for that particular season that you're in for that year.
And so now I'm working off of "love," "fearless," and "truth." So this year when you hit us up and you're like, "Hey, what's your word gonna be?" I'm like, "I'm working on it and I have some ideas." And then that prompted me to dig a little deeper. So, I think I've gotten to the point where I know what it is, but I need to come to terms with it.
Melina: If you haven't done the one word or you haven't lived it yet, that doesn't even mean anything. So when you say come to terms with it, do you mean you're gonna accept it? You have to accept it? Like in all that that entails?
Oscar: Yeah, it feels like I need to accept it. So, this year I did both, right? Because historically I've done, I think year one I did the study. Year two I did the book, but I also did the study. But, again, I chose to go with "fearless." Year three I did the study, and this time around I'm in both. Well, actually three ways. I read the book, I listened to the audible, and then I did the study.
And I guess you could say it was like, "I read the book and I kind of got a word. That can't be right, let me go to the audible." Then I got a couple other words and then I did the study that brought me back to three or four different words. So that's kind of where I'm at. And I wrote them down and I did some things this weekend to get to what that really is, right? So, Tim, you're looking at me like... You're good?
Melina: Do you have something to say to him? What? Do you have something?
Tim: No, I was just thinking about how the word shows up. You know, it's like that saying I always...I always think about this when we're going through this process, and it's something I was told. You know, it's like "don't pray for patience" conversation because when you pray for patience, you end up with a lot of things to be patient for. You know what I mean? Like, you don't get patience, you get an opportunity to be patient. So, I just was interested in hearing what Oscar's word is, you know?
Melina: Obviously. Me too.
Oscar: That's what I was thinking about. I was thinking about like when Kevin shared, you know, how he got...I think it was last year, the word shows up even in the process from the perspective of... I just thought it was interesting that he ended up with "choose" but he was stuck with a choice. I mean, he had to choose between...he literally had to go through this whole process of choosing just to get "choose" as the word. And it's just interesting how that plays out in the process of going through the finding the word, you know?
Melina: How's your process?
Oscar: Well, my first year was "fearless" and I did what Oscar did. I adopted yours because I didn't know anything about it. I didn't read the book or anything like that. And then last year was the first year I went through the process and I came up with my word last year, or this year is "discipline." And I was just kind of reflecting on this earlier this week. And for me, you know, I chose "discipline" and then I wrote it on the mirror and I looked at it every day for a little while and then it became, you know, the stain on the carpet, right? So it was there and I totally forgot about it.
But then what I realized is that it still showed up. Like, in the last part of this year I was able to...you know, I've lost like 40 pounds in the last part of this year and it definitely comes from discipline and all of that. And I didn't even equate it to my word until after...like, till now when I'm looking back, I'm like, "Holy cow." Like, I looked at the word every single day for the first three months of this year and I worked on discipline. And then it kind of became one of those things that... Well, apparently, I just started doing it automatically because I haven't thought about my word, not until we started doing this process again. But looking back, it absolutely played its part in the last part of this year. So I think that's interesting.
Like what Oscar said also is that it goes on. You know, they say it takes 21 days to build a habit, but if you do something, if you love for a year and you love in the most difficult times of your life and the most difficult situations, then you just become a habit of loving and then a habit of whatever truth means to Oscar, you know, those kinds of things. And I feel confident that the habit of discipline will continue to grow and to build.
Melina: It's great.
Christian: Hi, this is Christian Rios. As many of you know, I've been a member of New Wealth Advisors Club for over seven years and got started when I was 17 years old with absolutely no real estate experience. One of the biggest lessons I have learned from being in the industry is the need for authentic relationships. If you're looking for an actual team locally in Southern California with all the resources needed to close deals, register for one of our free workshops by visiting www.joinnwac.com. Thanks for listening to the Flippin’ Off Podcast.
Melina: That's great. So, Frank, why don't you share a little bit about what your process was? Did you pick one for...I know you had one for 2018. Did you have one for 2017?
Frank: Well, I think this year I'm being more purposeful about it, but I think the first couple of words that I chose were just words that people were constantly telling me that I need to be more of. Like, my first word was "approachable." So, I think those were good words to pick because I really focused on being more approachable. I approached myself. I became more aware of when I wasn't being approachable. And it was everybody around me picked those words for me, just things that they were saying.
And I felt like I saw the...like from your perspective, everyone's perspective of me not being approachable, why that doesn't work, because we had never really addressed it. It was just like, "That's just how Frank is and, you know, there's nothing we can do about it, it seemed." I mean, I wasn't thinking that, but it seemed like everybody else was kind of like just, "Oh, that's how Frank is." So, we had an honest conversation about that. I was like, "Okay. Yeah, I'm definitely not approachable, yeah. I'm intentionally not approachable, yeah." You know.
Melina: Yeah, so what? Keeps me safe and guarded, thanks.
Frank: Yeah. So, through that process I realized another word is like not approachable, I don't communicate. So, I guess I was kind of running those two words. I know you're supposed to pick one but I had so many things to work on. I'm a little impatient and I started identifying all these things that aren't working. And not just my communication with, you know, people who are here, but it spills into my communication with God, I mean, my relationship. What I'm realizing now and however I am with people, it's the same in my relationship with God. If I'm not having an open, honest, authentic relationship with God, then that's what you're seeing and how I'm showing up for everybody, too.
So, I think those first two words that I went through really quick, like jumped from approachable, okay, all right. I get it. It was a no-brainer. It was like I totally need to be more approachable. And then focusing on being able to communicate, which brought me to, you know, choosing my word for 2019. It's gonna be less about, you know, people's criticisms of me and more about, you know, somebody who... Why wasn't I approachable? You know, it's because I was guarded. Why am I guarded? And, you know, that goes down and that gets really...that can go really far into what causes all these things.
So, I want it to be less about the symptoms and more about the core issue of what that is. And I came up with a lot of different words that are causing that. So, I mean, you said some different words. I was like, "Yeah, that can work. And this other word, that could work." And it's just identifying why I'm guarded and how do I become a person who's not guarded. And there's so many words that just came into my mind that could help me to be that person who isn't guarded, somebody who communicates better, somebody who's more approachable.
So, I feel like I'm much more on the right track when picking that one word versus just, "All right, I have these symptoms and all these things." But it's been definitely a process and a dream that I've been working on before I learned about the one word. I was definitely identifying different things. But in everybody saying that we're gonna pick a word, there's real power in that versus just doing that on your own, which, you know, the book talks about having stretch...
Melina: Stretch team.
Frank: A stretch team to hold you accountable to that. And when everybody has a word, I don't wanna say it becomes like a game, but there's accountability in that we all see the growth and the benefits. Every one of our identifying that word and what kind of person that we wanna be, it's gonna benefit each one of us. And, you know, Tim picking his word, you picking your word, Oscar, Kevin, John, the rest of the team, everybody picking that word is going to...
Male: And Christian.
Frank: And Mr. Rios.
Melina: You know, it's interesting what you're saying right now, I was just thinking that that's actually why I chose "fearless," was because I was...I found myself...well, what I recognized about myself is that I was totally guarded, that I had put up such a wall around my heart because I no longer was willing to be hurt. That's the truth. Like, I came to the realization that I was living in...I had a mask that I was wearing all the time of, "I'm okay. You stay over there and don't get too close to me over here because I already know that you're going to hurt me because I haven't been whatever it is that you want me to be." And so for a long time, probably for two years, I was behaving...I was performing.
So, you know, I feel embarrassed to say it, but that's the truth. I was totally living in performance. So, my mask was like the stage. The mask of the stage where, you know, you get on stage and your hair has to be right, you know. Everything has to be done the right way and you look a certain way. That's how I started living my life, because what I learned is that if I stay inside of that mask, then nobody can really hurt me and I can't disappoint them because I don't really even know because I'm keeping them over there, not anywhere near here. And I feel like the Lord convicted me of that.
So, when I chose "fearless" it was a conviction of not allowing people in, and in order for me to do that it required, you know, what I was...what was I...why didn't I let anybody in? Because I was operating in fear. And so that's why I chose the word "fearless." I didn't choose it, it chose me. Actually, I believe that God chose it for me. You know, he just kept on pointing it out to me, like, "You need to be this. You need to be this." And "fearless" just kept on showing up.
And it was so interesting because the word, I didn't know about the one word, right? But it just kept on showing up everywhere. That's how it was for me. Like, I would read, and then was like, "Oh, there's fearless." And every time I read the word, I had a feeling, like I had a physical reaction to the word. So, it wasn't just like, "Oh, that word just keeps on showing up." No, I had like a physiological burning, stirring kind of thing deep, deep inside of me that was what made me pay attention. Otherwise, I would have just been like, "Oh, how funny. I keep on seeing that word." No, it was the response.
So, I know that that is only because of the Holy Spirit. Like, that's how Holy Spirit works in me, is by burning. And so that's what I was experiencing, which is what caused me to pay attention, to take notice of it. What is happening? Why is it every time I read this word I'm having this reaction to it? That's what actually happened.
So, I think I was really fortunate in that I didn't have to force the process in the beginning, you know? Like the beginning was just, "This is what it is," and I was like, "I've got to be fearless." And I started praying, like, "Okay, God. You want me to be fearless. You don't want me to walk in fear anymore. So, okay, I am not going because you tell me, I don't know, 300-and-something times inside the Bible to fear not. So, I'm gonna not do that." That's how it became very real for me and that's how it became a part of who I was.
What I didn't understand is exactly how I was gonna be challenged to be fearless. And, of course, I had several opportunities to be fearful because I had, like, real reason to fear people, right? Because people were coming at me. So, I had to stand in it anyway. It also forced me to make decisions in relationships with people that were very painful for me. People that I loved. And I learned a lot of things about me in terms of behaving fearlessly inside of relationships. It forced me to make decisions that were very painful for me. I recognized that maybe I didn't make...not maybe.
I recognized that I didn't make appropriate decisions in relationships that I had out of fear of losing relationships. So, it forced me...like it just showed up. I kept on thinking, do you know what I mean? Like I thought, "Oh, I'm gonna be fearless and let people in." It did definitely do that. It also gave me the opportunity to make fearless decisions that I knew were right but I was scared to death because of what the result could be. And guess what? The result is exactly what I thought it would be. Loss of relationship, loss of love, loss of something that was very important to me, but that's what had to happen. And I know it was right. Doesn't mean it was easy, it was difficult.
So, I thought "fearless" was gonna make 2017 this, like, amazing year, and then all that happened. So then when I got the word "love" for 2018, I was like, "You've got to be kidding me now." Almost like one fed into the next. And I hadn't even read the book. It was like I just knew. It just started showing up and I was like, "Oh no." I started to get that same quickening in my spirit, that same, like, deep feeling inside of me when I saw the word "love," which actually made me think, "Are you kidding?" Love is so like love. You know, like, how simple. Love is just such like love. You know, I love lamp. Easy, right? Easy. Easy-peasy, no problem. I didn't understand, you know.
And then, of course, the more I started looking at the word, the more it started to penetrate in me, like, "Oh no, that means I have to love every one. I have to love... For me, personally, I'm called to love the way God loves. That's unconditional. That is, ooh. And it just started to be like bubbling up in me, which then, of course, made me know it was the absolute truth. And I wouldn't share it with anybody. I just kept it to myself. I didn't even say I'm battling with a word. I just kept the whole process to myself.
And then in October of 2017 we were at a concert and Spoon came up...it was a Jeremy Camp concert. And like on the intermission, Spoon comes up to me and she threw me a t-shirt that she bought for me. And it was the love t-shirt, which was ridiculous. Here's why that's ridiculous. Because Jeremy Camp has a song, and it's called "Overcome," and it is like one of my most favorite songs. In fact, you guys should know it has to be played at my funeral, right? So, I was like, "Why didn't you get me the 'Overcome?'" She got herself the "Overcome" t-shirt and got me the love t-shirt. And she threw it at me and I looked at it and I was like, "Why did you give me this shirt?" Because I was already, like, having the battle in my mind, and she just started laughing like, "I don't know." And I was like, "Oh." So then I knew. Then I knew that I knew that I knew that's the word.
So, that's what my process has been like. Not very glamorous, obviously, and it doesn't seem very holy, honestly. It seems like a constant fight with God about what He wants me to do. Because I knew going into 2018 that love was gonna be difficult. And let me just say this, 2018 isn't over and, like, I'm still...you know, it's still challenging me still to this very exact direct second. So, thanks God. Appreciate that. So, Christian, why don't you share a little bit, if you don't mind?
Christian: So, today I just got done listening to the "One Word" on audible. For those that maybe commute, I'd recommend that. It's an hour, so I did it while I was working on the gym. In the book, it recommends...he says he does it even like Thanksgiving week to give himself like a month to really open up his heart. And I think that's where I am, and I'm sure...I think this is the time we did, like last year, too.
Melina: It is, yeah.
Christian: So, that's pretty much my process. So right now I'm just...
Melina: What was your word last year?
Christian: This year.
Melina: Oh, I'm sorry, this year. Yeah, that's right. This year is still here.
Christian: This year it was "excellence." Or it is "excellence." And with everything, I mean, that happened this year, I thought, it even said in the book, like, you might...like, not forget it, but you might even put on the back burner because of things that happened. And I know it was always in the back of my head and I still...you know, I'm striving to live it out. But, yeah, even living that...I don't wanna say, living...living that out, oh my gosh, was, yeah, not easy. But that's really what I wanted to strive for and I feel like when I was praying about it last year, I really heard God tell me like, "I want all this and I wanna live a life of significance." And He said, you know, "I don't bless mediocrity," and that's what I wanna stay away from. I never wanna do anything mediocre. So, I believe this year that word, it pushed me.
And even like little things where I was walking on the street and I saw like a bottled water that was empty. I wanna pick it up and, you know, throw it away. So, this year I'm pondering a couple words and it's interesting because before we came in here, Oscar is like, "Man, mine's gonna be deep." And the words that are coming at me right now, it's like they're not that deep, but they're gonna, like, push me. And, you know, I don't know, it's gonna be interesting how it plays out. I'm excited.
Melina: Well, you know, it is funny how people will say like, "Oh, I'm sure, you know, because, you know, Christian..." If you don't know, Christian is kind of like, you know, the golden child. And so he's been with us since he was 17, and, you know, everything Christian has done, he's definitely walked the walk. And so he's had a lot of success and he's just been a very, very good student. And so I'm sure when everybody said...when you said excellence, I can imagine how that could show up for some people for being honest, right? Like, a little bit of ego involved, a little bit of, you know...because that's a lot of how you're seen.
And I was just thinking though, I really loved how you just said, "No, I see an empty water bottle on the ground and I pick it up." See, that's excellence. That is great. So, good for you. Like, that's most excellent. So, obviously, the nagging question, does anybody have their one word?
Oscar: Why is everybody looking at me?
Melina: Well, you know what? Maybe now is probably a great time to end this podcast, and we will pick up in the next couple of weeks. Listen up for our one word. Maybe we'll share it, maybe we won't. But we'll at least continue talking about what words we are playing around with. I think that's definitely what we'll do.
So, if you are listening to this and are feeling stirred, like, "Hey, maybe I do wanna do my one word," first of all, number one, if you are a club member you will be strongly encouraged. Let me say...let's just be real. I'm going to exhort you to do your one word. So, I don't care what you have to do. Get the book, read the book, do the Bible study. It's free. It just takes you to decide that you are going to work on yourself. And I do have a project that we are going to do as a club that will include your one word. So, don't be lazy. Do your one word.
Christian: And just to say one more thing. Statistically, from even reading the book, 87% of people that do like a New Year's resolution, they quit by January. So, I'm a big believer in goals and setting commitments. I think that's different than maybe a New Year's resolution. But your one word, you can't forget it throughout the whole year. So, it's gonna be in the back of your mind. It's gonna be a commitment that you're gonna make to yourself. So, make that happen.
Melina: Absolutely. It's perfect. That's great. Thank you so much. So, NWAC, we are now flipping off for the time being. Okay, bye.
I'm Melina Boswell, your host of The Flippin’ Off Podcast. I really hope you enjoyed it. If you did, we'd love for you to subscribe. Give us a five-star rating and tell your friends all about us. You can find more episodes of The Flippin’ Off Podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, Stitcher, or wherever else you like to listen to awesome podcasts like this. If you like what you've heard, we'd really appreciate it if you'd follow us on Facebook and Instagram and tell us the stories that you'd like to hear.
Tim Jackson is our senior producer. Luke Jackson is our editor. Brothers. Josh Mauldin is our producer. Sound design by Frequency Factory. Our executive producer is Mind & Mill. This was all created by Dave Boswell for New Wealth Advisors Club.