It’s Never Too Late To Change - Episode 84
Melina: Welcome to Flippin' Off, a purpose-driven podcast about flipping houses and making a difference. Whoo. All right. Hey, everybody. Good day. Melina Boswell here. So let me just say this. We do these podcasts. We love doing them. And there's always a conversation of what we should talk about. And so we put out a request on the Facebook page, actually, David did, and said, "Hey, what do you guys want to hear?" So there's an overwhelming request for people to hear from us and maybe personal growth and what's happened for us because I think it's pretty clear that real estate investing is just a vehicle. It's just a tool. But if you don't have your head right, then you'll just quit, right?
We all want to have a certain kind of lifestyle, a certain kind of income. And that's why we chose real estate investing. And what we learned is that until we get the…and straighten our head, there's just no opportunity for more growth. So people were asking for us to share maybe any one personal growth situation or experience that we've had. And so I picked a few people to be in the studio with me today. So I have Mr. Oscar Solaris here with me.
Oscar: Hey, there.
Melina: Frank Luna.
Melina: I don't know if Frank has grown but I guess we'll find out.
Frank: He's grown.
Oscar: I can tell from here he's grown.
Frank: Thank you. I appreciate that.
Melina: Wow. Oh, my God, I love you. I love the shit out of you guys. I just want to tell you that.
Frank: Moving on. Who else is here?
Melina: Why don't you introduce them? Would you?
Frank: We have Manny.
Frank: And we have Tim John.
Oscar: Tim as well.
Melina: Oh, my gosh. All right. So you know what I was thinking? Oh, wait, and don't forget about Kevinsito. You know what? I may make you come eat this mic with me. Come over here and...come on. I want to have you probably do it. Yeah. All right. I'll start. So I was thinking about this in terms of personal growth and who I am and what kind of growth I've had. And many of you know that I've devoted my life, the last 25 years anyway, to personal growth. And I was just sharing this with somebody how my life has been very, very structured. I'm a structured person. I like security. I like structure. But then there's this really wild side of me.
So God bless Dave. You see, these guys that are sitting here at this table with me are having to manage me now and it's not easy. I know, I'm totally shoot, ready, aim and I'm very clear on that. But I'm a person that I think the number one personal growth skillset that I went after early on in my journey was the art of self-discipline. And that was the one thing that I just decided I was going to hone in on, mainly because I had none, right? I never was taught self-discipline. I didn't understand the power of self-discipline until I started to want to run my own business. And then I realized, "Wow, you really have to get that."
So that was the skillset that I really decided I was going to hone in on. And I've built my career over the last 25 years with a lot of self-discipline. So I've devoted my life to my faith first, which required a lot of self-discipline. My faith, my husband, so my marriage, my children, and my business. And that has been my life. And it has been very structured in that way. And that has been my focus in everything that I've done. And so in that I have devoted so much time to getting my head straight. Because I know that it's an impossibility to have a right relationship with God, to have a right relationship with my husband, with my children, and to be able to run a business with my mind isn't right.
So that's what I've really been focusing on. And then I found myself 18 months ago a widow. And that wasn't part of my plan. And so now this opened up this new chapter for me, that is, you know, Melina Boswell the woman, and who is she? And what does she want to do? And instead of being Dave's wife, David and Andrew's mom, and Dave's business partner, co-founder of New Wealth Advisors Club, and now I am Melina Boswell, CEO, founder, and widow. And so what that has been like for me over the last 18 months has been the most difficult thing I've ever had to take on. And I've had some ups and downs that have been crazy.
And what have I learned? I was just thinking about this. When we first started doing podcasts, you know, we would sit in here, and I don't know if you guys remember that I had so much anxiety, even getting behind this microphone not knowing what I was going to say. And we'd sit out like in the lobby before we would do a podcast and we'd actually write, kind of discuss what we were going to do. We'd hit, you know, "Hey, we're going to hit this and this is the intention." And I would have so much anxiety. Sometimes I would come in here and do handstands. I would have to like, you know, for me going upside down helps release a lot of energy from your anxiety. So I'll get into a child's pose or down dog. And if I'm up in a handstand, like, you know, I'm having lots of anxiety.
And I can remember being in a handstand right there because I couldn't even speak into this microphone because it was so far outside of my comfort zone. And so now it's like, you know, "Who gives a crap? Let's just go," right? And I just come in here and I sit down. And so I realized that, for me, that's just one piece of the personal growth, is that owning my role as CEO and sitting here at this chair and feeling confident and comfortable and leading you guys through the conversation and not knowing exactly what we're doing and being okay with that.
So that's kind of been I think my one of my moments of feeling having a lot of confidence. And, you know, I did just get back from a trip. I went to Europe by myself, and that was a really big deal for me, to get on a plane, get on several planes and really have no planning. Didn't even know where I was going. I mean, I knew I was going to the country of Croatia. And that was the extent of what I knew. So I got myself on a plane and traveled to Europe by myself and I was on a trip for eight days by myself. And it was a scary, it was a very terrifying thing for me to do. Let me tell you the truth.
You know, there's so many things, like, you know, my bag, and you know, making sure that I can...even getting my bag in through the airplane and putting it up in the bins up above and having enough strength to do that. And then where am I going to sit and who's going to be sitting next to me and I'm really all by myself. And when I land in some strange country, I have to find a way to get to my next destination. So I have to get my own transportation. And I have to figure out how to do that. And it was a lot of anxiety for me. And I look back and go, two years ago, would I have been able to do that? I don't think I would have. Well, maybe I would have. But I guess I just did it. I just jumped in and said, "I'm going to do this in spite of my fear." I just acted in spite of my fear.
And maybe you guys think, I wonder if people out there think maybe that's not that big of a deal. But for me, you know, I was married to a man who would never let me lift my own bag. I was married to a man who made sure that everything was taken care of for me and treated me like such a queen and made sure that stuff was done. And now I'm really all on my own. And it was terrifying and exhilarating all at the same time. So I now, you know, have learned new languages. I feel confident I can get myself around, you know, Europe. I can find my way into any bar, you know, by myself, which is a big deal. I'm just kidding.
So one of the nights, let me tell you one of the things that happened when I was there. There was a group of people and they were going to meet somewhere for dinner in town and we were in Split, Croatia. So they sent me a message, "Hey, would you like to meet us?" And I said, "Yeah," and I'm staying at a hotel by myself. And so I said, "Send me the address where you're going." And they did. So I asked the front desk, "Hey, you know, I can walk?" And they said, "Yeah, it's like a 15 minute walk." I'm like, "Oh, perfect." So I just start walking through the streets of Croatia by myself. I get to downtown, which is great. So I have my little walking Google map on and I cannot find the actual restaurant.
So here I am in this giant city of walls where, you know, "Game of Thrones" was filmed. That's where I was. And I'm walking through the city and I cannot find the restaurant because I don't have an internet so my Google Maps won't let me, right? So I literally like if you would have watched me on the map, it would have been hilarious. So for an hour and a half I walked around the city walls, until at some point I started to cry because I was like...and I just go, "I give up." I actually said the words, "I quit. I give up." And so I sent a message to one of the people and I said, "Hey, I give up. I'm sorry. I just can't find you guys. And I'm done. I don't want to like..."
I felt so overwhelmed. You know, he calls me. He says, "Where are you?" I said, "I'm in front of the 'No Stress Bistro' getting ready to go to pound back some vodka because I'm like stuck here." And he said, "Wait there, you're like two minutes from us." Yeah, so here I am. So he comes walking up. And I'm like, "Holy crap." I mean, it wasn't even two minutes, within one minute. I was literally around the corner. And I walked by them so many times, but the way this cafe was, I couldn't see it. It didn't have like a sign on. You know what I mean? And I just didn't know where I was going. And it was such a moment of I started laughing to myself after I was crying. And then I started to laugh because of what I was experiencing.
And I was kind of like, "This is my life. This is totally crazy." But I wouldn't trade it. I wouldn't trade it for anything. So that's my just little stories of growth. So, Manny, we asked you to come in today, specifically, because you're somebody that we look at and go you've had a ridiculous amount of growth. So would you share? I don't know if you want to share one thing or if you want to share a little story like I just did.
Manny: I might need a handstand first.
Melina: It helps.
Oscar: I want to see that.
Manny: Story. I don't know if I have a particular story. It's just, for me, you know, it's kind of like the little journey that I have been from starting the club. It's like, you know, you go through like these phases when you come in because obviously when you come into the club, you're looking for a better way, a better life, you know, you're trying to make more money. That's the ultimate goal when everybody gets here, because you're looking to make more money. And then you realize it's not about money. And then you realize, you know, what we do is, you know, we are able to actually help people. So then you kind of turned a little corner and you're like, "Okay, cool. I want to help people and I want to get that high of helping people."
And then you start kind of going that way and then you start realizing, "I still need money. Hold on. Wait a minute. I still need money. So what's going on here?" Okay, so you just kind of get a little confused as far as...that's how it was for me. And, you know, just being around the club and trying to bounce around. And everybody kind of that I've talked to has these kind of little, you know, not adventure but just kind of little moments that they're in. Like, "Hey, I need to make money." Then they're in a different phase. I guess that they're phases that you go through. And for me I've kind of went through a lot of them and I went back and forth and back and forth.
And then once I got the mentorship and learned the steps that I needed to take to make myself better, it definitely helped a lot because you know you want to be a certain place, you just don't know how to get there. And everybody thinks that, "I need a coach and that coach is going to get me there. I just gotta hold his hand and I go right to the top. I just got to follow him. He's going to take me there and I'm going to get there." I realize is you have to do it yourself, no matter the coach is there to guide you. But the work, you have to do it yourself. You have to put in the work for yourself. You got to do research. You got to do your homework. You got to figure out what's stopping you, what's preventing you from getting to that point because it's nobody else that's preventing you from getting there, it's actually the things, the actions that you're doing that is...you just don't know what it is that you're doing wrong or you're not doing correctly.
So for me it was just realizing that, "Hey, ultimately it's up to me to get to where I want to be." And with all the steps from the mentorship is showing me how to gradually look into myself, look into what I've been doing in the past and saying, "Hey, I've been doing this all my life and it's not getting me anywhere. So obviously something's gotta change." And it's not easy to change. You've been doing it your whole life. So you think that's the way you're supposed to be. That's the way life is supposed to be. You're supposed to go to work all day, come home, eat dinner, and then just sit down and just relax and wind down and get ready for the next day.
It's when you realize that after you get home, you eat dinner, that you still have to do more work if you want to get that extra step ahead, there's more work to be done. And there is time. You think there's no time, but you got to make time. And for me just focusing on...And it's hard. I still struggle. I work every single day at trying to make myself better. But we just had the trip. Actually we just had a trip to Hawaii. And I was doing really, really good from...after the mentorship I was doing really, really good. Just growing and learning every single day. And I had a certain pattern that I was writing and I created every day getting up early. And I was doing the same routine everything and it was really working. Once we went to Hawaii for a family vacation, I came back, it was out of whack. And it's weird how it takes you so long to get that routine and get going, and it takes just a second to get out of it and throw you for a loop. And...
Melina: So I really appreciate you saying that because what I've watched this unfold before my very eyes. And so I'm going to ask you two questions. The first one is we all choose a word for the year, right? So your word for 2019 is what?
Melina: And so can you share with us what you've done to create legacy, specifically with your family at home very recently?
Manny: We actually, me and my wife, my wife, Tina, actually, she just got done with the mentorship. She's on the beginning phases.
Melina: She's on fire.
Manny: Yeah, she's on the beginning stages. So we actually both decided to do the mentorship with our kids. So we're already on week six. It's a 10-week mentorship. So we are on week six with all three of our kids. And...
Melina: And can you tell us how old your children are?
Manny: Eighteen, 15, and 13. So...
Melina: Can you believe that?
Manny: Yeah. So they just finished the book. Thank you for bringing that up because I totally forgot. I was thinking about that on the way over and I just lost my mind. But that has actually been really, really, really good. Like I was thinking on the way over here just kind of like, "What are we going to talk about?" And I'm just like there's no money in the world that can replace from...when I first got here, I'm like, "I'm here to make money." I could have, you know, made all this money right in the beginning and I would have never did this mentorship with my kids.
And all that money in the world would never replace what we're getting from this mentorship with our kids because just some of the things that I hear them talk about, it's like...and we're just growing as tighter as a family because we sit down on Sunday and we all just have this conversation and we just start talking. And it's amazing to see what I picture them as kids but their answers, they're not kid answers. And you read their homework and you know it's weird how my daughter like separates her friends of like, this is only a three-minute friend. She has a list of friends she needs to get rid of. And she's 13, so it's like wow.
Manny: So it's pretty amazing that that I've gone to learn that process. And we have the legacy that our kids that we're going to get showing that to our kids is you can't put a price on that. That's true wealth in my mind, no money can replace that, of what they're going to get from that. And we always try to remind them like, "Hey, we're 42 and we're just doing this. You guys are so young, so I wish we would did this." And we give them that whole spiel and they understand. But, you know, one thing that stood out in the last homework I read was...it's asking some questions. I forgot the particular question it was but what my son had wrote that, something that someone has shown you, something, my dad has shown me that it's never too late to change. So that was a big thing for me to read.
Oscar: So I'm sitting here listening to you, right? And I know all this is happening just like Melina because we're in the same group. But the thing that stands out for me is your perspective. Your perspective is I went on vacation and I lost my momentum. But what I'm hearing is I went on vacation and I rose my momentum because the impact and the shift that occurred is no longer about me but it's about others. Because your original stuff was you. I'm working out, I'm doing this, I'm doing that, I'm doing this, right? And now there was a shift. So I don't know if you've lost momentum versus there was a shift in priority.
Melina: Yeah. What was that, Tim, like?
Tim: Yeah. Well, yeah, without being able to draw a visual, as leadership, we've been educating ourselves on like a leadership pipeline. And the principle is that we have this way of...there's leadership ladder, if you will, and each direction you're heading, you come to a point when you can shift directions and start making it about instead of dealing with yourself, dealing with others, and you can continue working on yourself. And you can become way, way, way better. But as a parent, I'm not a parent, so it's really, you know, take this with a grain of salt. But what it sounds like is as a parent, you can continue working on yourself. But doing that is never going to make you a better parent. It's going to make you a better you, better you, better you, but it'll never make you a better parent until you take that shift. And it's okay to not focus 100% on yourself anymore.
Melina: Well, it's actually increasing you as a leader because who gets better. There's always the teacher who gets more. And Oscar is exactly 100% right. That's why I thought it was interesting for you to talk about vacation and what happened. And I'm like, no, what actually happened is...and you went to the next level, is what you did.
Manny: And that was the cross-section that happened, right, where you were working on yourself and then you guys went on vacation as a family. And then at some point a decision was made, "We're going to do this with our kids." And that happened shortly after coming, if I remember correctly, shortly after coming back from Hawaii the mentorship starts with the kids.
Tim: We actually bought the books when we’re in Hawaii, it's not when we got back.
Manny: Okay, right. So that's really what took place. So now you find yourself I believe in a really cool spot, which is you're self-aware. Because you're saying, "Hey, I stopped doing these things." But now you need to become more aware of the shift that happened. And the shift that happened, you're starting to see the fruit from that shift, right? When you have a 13-year-old categorizing their friends and, I mean, identify the ones that are not good friends, that's pretty big.
Melina: No, it's huge. It's life-changing. Life-changing for her. Like you will change the trajectory of her life. Because most 13-year-olds, the friends that we choose at that age, they shape our life, they shape where we go and what we do. And to make her even aware of that at this age is it is truly, you will change the trajectory of her entire life by that. And, I mean, hi, that's kind of a big deal.
Manny: Yeah, it's pretty amazing.
Melina: You know, she's just the future of our country. That's all. I mean, you know, not a big deal. Not a big deal. Yeah.
Manny: But, yeah, this thanks to the club, NWAC, everybody involved, it's just like being a part of...and you read all the time or you hear all the time words you are about the people you're hanging around with. And it truly is that. I get to see it and I get to hear and hear everything from you guys. And I pick up things and I just try to soak it up. But for all the other people out there that are just starting, just make sure you're going to go through some different shifts and just stay in because you're going to have ups, you're going to have downs, and the ones that stay in are going to be the ones that are going to see it to the end. And you think that for me, I don't think I've had that moment where I want to just quit.
You've had that down moments that you're like, "Oh, man, you know, it's been rough. It's been rough." But I think that from me seeing it through you guys and seeing you guys stay in and how long you did it, I know everything works. It's just everybody has their own journey. And I think for me, this is my journey. I need this journey because of just the way I was before. I think I needed to go through all this stuff and not get it easier or handed to me because I think I would have probably just fell...actually I know I would have probably just fell apart in the end, it would have just went straight up.
And I know now just from being aware of all the stuff and all the learning and all the reason that I know that just as a family, as being married, I think this is our foundation for where we're going to be in the future at the top. And I know I have a strong marriage but I don't think it would have probably been strong enough to be as far as up as we're going to go. So I think that's why we needed to go through this little struggle. It's not a little struggle, it's big struggle. But I think it's all for a reason. So I believe that's why.
Melina: I appreciate that. I so appreciate that. All right. Beautiful.
Christian: Hi, this is Christian Rios. As many of you know, I've been a member of New Wealth Advisors Club for over seven years and got started when I was 17 years old, with absolutely no real estate experience. One of the biggest lessons I've learned from being in the industry is the need for authentic relationships. If you're looking for an actual team locally in Southern California, with all the resources needed to close deals, register for one of our free workshops by visiting www.joinnwac.com. Thanks for listening to the Flippin’ Off Podcast.
Melina: Great. TJ do you...or you're going to sneeze? Who wants to go next? Next story. All right. So thank you, Manny. That was beautiful. Who wants to share the next story? Who is going next? Do I need to point?
Oscar: Hey, Frank.
Melina: Hey, Frankie.
Frank: Hey, guys. What's going on?
Melina: Thank you, Frankie. You got a story you want to share?
Frank: I have a lot of stories.
Melina: I know. Do you know one, yeah, kind of like what we just heard from Manny or my little moment of growth?
Frank: Moment of growth. All right. When I'm working with people, when you're talking about the shifts, so we are always working on ourselves as coaches because we want to be able to pour into people more. And that I think we've done a good job. I mean, we've collaborated and we've pushed ourselves and we're learning and we're pouring in more and I think our mission to serve people's being lived out. But in all of that growth and doing different things and exploring and seeing what our limits and who we are, when I was looking back at all the good things, all the successes and everything, like just what Manny was talking about, for me, there's little setbacks and failures. But I know that for my students and the people that I work with, the successes, they know that somebody is teaching them or working with them that knows what they're doing.
But the bigger impact that I feel that I've had, especially in the last couple of years is just going through the struggle and failing and being able to learn from those failures. And I think they've definitely made me...like when you talk about quitting, like I can definitely see like there could have been times when I would have quit, but the mission, the people, everything else was too important for that. So I was like, "Well, I'm going to take everything that I can, learn everything about this time of growth to be able to pour it into other people. " And yeah, for years, it's just all just growing and learning and trying to give that information to other people.
But when I'm having conversation with my students be able to share more about the failure and what I learned has been way more valuable for them. Versus saying the other, "Hey, this is how you do it. Yeah, I see you doing it but what about when it gets hard?" Now I definitely have a testimony about when it gets hard about what that looks like, the feeling of possibly wanting to quit and then just recognizing that you can't quit. Like that's...
Melina: I'm just gonna be honest. Not that I'm not ever honest, but frank. I'll be frank, Frank. I just was thinking back, and Oscar and Tim can probably attest to this where it seemed like you would...it felt to me like you were so raw, Frank, you were just raw and on the verge of tears all the time. There was just a point in time when you were so broken down. And the breaking down process for me is what I watched. And I saw you being very, very raw. And here's the thing with you, you're a strong dude. And I would even go so far as to say I'm stubborn. And very, very stubborn. And you hide your stubbornness really well because you're really good with words.
Frank: Thank you.
Melina: Yeah, you're welcome. So there's like a lot of shifting and a lot of redirecting and a lot of masking that goes on with you. You do a lot of smoke and mirrors. That's been your way in the past. And when we stopped allowing you to have smoke and mirrors, I mean, let's just keep it real, what happened was you had a decision to make, you had a choice. You could have absolutely said, "I like my smoke and mirrors. So see you later." we have a joke, we'd be like, Hey, Houdini," because that's what you would do Houdini it out, right?
And so you had a real choice to make. "Hey, I can stay with my smoke and mirrors because it works for me." And that doesn't let anybody in. Or you could have chosen to identify and admit those smoke and mirrors. And what I watched you do was admit the smoke and mirrors. And then watching you like deconstruct those smoke and mirrors, it was really, really intense at times and there was moments through the deconstruction process with you that was intense where it was like screaming, then it was crying, then it was praying, then it was don't talk to me. It was tough.
And what I saw in you through that process was a rawness that was really beautiful, and allowed us to see like the real Frank that I that I personally know is there. My friend, Frank. But you don't let anybody in to see that. And you have worked really hard at that deconstruction process. And now sharing it with your students has been a beautiful thing because that's part of the reconstructing now. And that's where you are right now. And I think I'm going to tell you, the thing that scared me the most for you is that I didn't think you would stay consistent through the reconstruction process, if I'm going to be honest. Does that make sense?
Frank: Yeah, totally.
Melina: And so what I've watched is you stay consistent and stay in the reconstruction process. And that's not easy either, because rebuilding sucks. It's almost as bad as deconstructing. I think I don't know which one is worse. They're both really, really hard. Am I right?
Frank: Yeah. Well, I was gonna say, for me, because you just took a really long process and broken into two halves that for me it wasn't there. There wasn't a deconstruction half and then a rebuilding half, it was all just hard. You know what I mean? It was all just hard. And it was things were good. And then there was a breakdown and then things were better. And in that process, I think what you just said kind of broke...like that what made me chuckle was that you broke it down into two halves. There is the breaking down and then there's the rebuild. And even just that little insight or that perspective of having like I am in the...it's still hard and it still sucks. But it doesn't suck as bad because I'm rebuilding. So that's why I chuckled.
Melina: Good. It's good. So how about that?
Oscar: That was good.
Melina: All right. Well, Oscar, you got anything? Where have you been? Because, Oscar, I think what I'd like to hear from you is what your process has been like, going from senior investor, leadership team, and then in the reconstruction of the infrastructure of the club, and now you're COO. So now you have this title in this role as COO in the club. And so, personally, what's that been like for you?
Oscar: So I'm gonna go back a little bit further. Because I'm listening to these guys and...so when you say deconstruct and rebuild, it immediately took me back to boot camp, where they tear you down completely, you're no longer an individual, they break you down physically, mentally, emotionally, you're trash. And then they build you up, and you come out like invincible, which is what Frank is really dealing with right now or has progressed through. And then it took me to transitioning into corporate world where personal development was a requirement. I was like, "Okay, I'll check the box. I'll lead this group," whatever.
And then transitioning from that to New Wealth Advisors Club and to where we are today, it's just been a progression. And everything, if I really sat back and looked back, it's like, "Wow, look, this happened. Oh, I'm doing that. Oh, this happened. Oh, now I get to implement that."
Melina: I can see that.
Oscar: So it's interesting to see all that materialize. And it doesn't make it any easier because there's still obstacles, there's still challenges, there's still growth. I think that the biggest thing I'm facing right now is really learning how to...So I think I've always been a fairly good communicator but there's some nuances now that I need to learn more about. So I need to be able to look at someone and know exactly what it is that they need to hear to get to that next step. And sometimes it's not what they need to hear, it's what they need to see. Or how a situation is handled. Or it's really easy to snap but you don't. So there's just some things there that...I mean, I went out and bought three books and I read this and I read that and it's just constantly developing myself now to be able to fill the role which...
Melina: Well, it's interesting because when you think about it, when you talked about boot camp, so Marine, and then into corporate America, and then you had a specific role in management in corporate America, and then you jumped out of that into entrepreneurship. So now all the sudden you're an entrepreneur. So that's an entirely different world. And now you've built relationships with other entrepreneurs, us at NWAC. So now you went from entrepreneur to leader of volunteers running your own business and sort of using all of that skillset to now all the sudden back into shoomp, hi, you're now the COO of other entrepreneurs. And it is not like anything else out there. Nothing. And I acknowledge that. And I thank you for that.
Oscar: Yeah. And I sit back and I'm like I have to review these numbers. I have to look at this. I have to see where we are operationally blah, blah, blah. And I think back like, "Shit, I still do this." I had a P&L, I had to manage that P&L, I have to do all these things. Then I had all these people that would look up to you and say, "Okay, what do I do now?" And half the time you're like, "I don't know. Let's try this." So what was that acronym, because I texted it to you?
Melina: Oh, yeah, MOTR. That's me.
Oscar: Right. I forget what the M was but it's something on the run.
Melina: I think it was Melina On The Run. It was our financial advisor.
Oscar: Yeah. It was funny, though, because immediately I was like, "Oh, mother."
Melina: Yes, that's me.
Oscar: Yep. There you go. And it had to do with the velocity of entrepreneurship, the speed that things move at and the fact that most often as an entrepreneur you're not operating on a set agenda. You're tackling things as they come your way. And now to put, for lack of better term, a corporate umbrella around a bunch of mothers is challenging, to say the least. And for me, that's where I'm at now, it's just learning to develop the skills for a few different things. One is how to manage it. And then the other is how to keep up. And at the same time be flexible enough to say, "Hey, that's not that important. Let me let them play there and do their thing there. And let me focus on these things." Yeah, it's pretty crazy, but...
Melina: We are in a crazy time right now.
Oscar: But it's fun.
Melina: But it is fun. It's definitely fun. So, TJ, what do you got?
Tim: Like a lot. I try to think like through this, I've been listening to everybody share and I think about just, you know, I can go down the path of entrepreneurship and things to learn. Like, for instance, I had to learn real estate, or at least I thought I had to learn real estate. And then I got involved in real estate and I realized, "Well, no, I need to learn people. I need to really work on my communication skills." And then I do that. And then through the process, that starts coming together, and fairly recently, I realized that "Holy cow, I can do real estate and I can talk to people now but I don't have the slightest idea how to run a business."
I mean, I'm like go back through the taxes for the last year and realize I didn't write a single note on a single receipt. Just little stuff like that. "What the hell was that for?" And I'm like, "Holy cow, there's so much. There's so much to what we do as an organization to help pour into people." I'll just talk about my myself when I got rolling is I thought it was real estate. I thought I was gonna look at a house, look at a kitchen, decide how much it's gonna cost to fix it, and then make an offer, buy a house and fix the property and you're done. Simple process. And it is simple. And then there's a homeowner. "Oh, holy cow. How the heck do I talk to this person?"
Melina: Yeah. Because they're not talking about the kitchen.
Tim: No. They don't wanna talk about the kitchen. So then I had to learn that process. And then it's a matter of, "Okay, so you've made a bunch of money and you've spent bunch of money, and now you have a potential huge tax bill unless you can prove where you spent the money, and you didn't write a single thing on a single receipt.
Melina: Oh, my God, I love that.
Tim: You know what I mean? So those are some of the things that I remember learning. And you talked about self-discipline. And for me it is self-discipline of learning real estate, of learning people. That was fairly simple. The self-discipline of writing a note on a receipt is something that I still struggle with a few years after learning that hard lesson. So that is something that I constantly work on, is the running of the business side of things, as opposed to just doing real estate, just pouring into students and stuff like that. And there's so many times I just have wanted to quit, like at the end of the day, I look at an accountant asking me a question about a transaction a year and a half ago. "What was that $10,000 for?" And I'm like, "Oh, man."
Melina: Oh, my God, I know exactly what that looks like. Oh, my God.
Tim: I'm like, "I don't care. I don't even want to deal with this anymore."
Melina: Oh, my God, I so get that. And then on top of that, TJ, you know, you decided to get married. So now you're a newlywed. And so like that's not a big deal. I mean, that's an entirely new world because you've never been married before. And so now adding that on into your already very complicated life, I imagine that is an entirely new world for you to learn to manage and grow through.
Tim: Yeah. When you talk about that, it reminds me and I connected with what you said about who you are today. And for me, who am I? Like there's a ring on this finger. Like who am I with a ring on my finger? What does that look like? I was pretty clear on who I was as a single guy, as an entrepreneur, as a real estate investor, as a struggling business owner. I was pretty clear on who I was. And then you put a ring on your finger and I'm like now who am I? Like who am I as a married man? Who am I as a leader of a family and how do I show up there? And what's the right way? I mean, I very much my whole life, I struggle with the right way. Like if it's not the right way or if it's not going to be the right way, I might even not even attempt it.
So I really struggle with am I doing it the right way? Is it the wrong way? Like that is also a really difficult transition. My word this year is be. And I'm like, who? Be who? Be what? Like don't even know what it looks like. And I have good role models, like Dave and these guys as married men with their own relationships, but they work their way and they work and I have good role models and I do my best to be the best things that I see in these guys, the best things that I see in my father, and I'm doing my best to become that. And it's a shift. It's like I really wish it was a matter of putting the ring on and then you're a married man. But that hasn't happened for me. And I'm really not sure how to do it.
Oscar: So as you're speaking, I'm thinking back to old Tim, way back. I'm thinking seven years ago, eight years ago, and to who you are today, and for me for some reason there's a gap of who Tim was back then or how he showed up and who you are today. And it's just for me, there's a gap. Because I didn't really have the opportunity to witness the shifts for you. It's almost like this was Tim and then all of a sudden this was Tim John.
Melina: Yeah, the before and after.
Oscar: Yeah. So I got to see the before and after but there's a gap for me in between. But what I do know is that who you are today allows you to actually have that point of view of, "When I put this ring on, who am I supposed to be now?" Where if we could bottle that 10-year thing that you went through and hand that out to people so that before they get married they can arrive at the same way that you did of, "Who am I supposed to be now when I put this ring on?"
Melina: We'd have no divorce.
Oscar: A much better world. Because you're actually stepping into it saying...because we had conversations and it wasn't just, "Who am I supposed to be?" It's, "Who am I supposed to be for her for that side of the family? How do I show up now going forward?" All these different things." Dude, I was married at 18. It doesn't even compute for me to have that thought process about marriage. It does now, obviously, after I don't how many years of marriage. So for all the single guys out there listening, Kevin.
Oscar: You should be preparing yourselves that way for everything that you're doing in life. Not just marriage, but for everything you do in life.
Melina: Well, I've been praying for Kevin's wife for years. I have. Since I met him, I've been praying for his wife. I've been praying for Andrew's wife, and I have, seriously.
Oscar: There was one other thing that you had said in your story that you shared about walking around the town really spoke to me from the...like I remember a very specific time when I was walking through the lobby one time. And up until that moment, I can look back and I realize like I was running this business like the way you walk that town. I was running this business, I was trying to get there, and you walked that area for an hour and a half before you picked up the phone and called somebody that was two minutes away. I did it for eight years. I did it for eight years or however many years it was.
And then one day I'm walking through the hall and you asked me like, "What's going on with you?" And I told you, "I'm fine," whatever, like I always do. And you go, "No." You called me out on it. And I said, "Well, I'm just really struggling right now. I'm not sure what's going on." And I don't remember exactly what I shared but your response to me was, "That's because you're not coachable." And just that little conversation...there was more conversation after that. But just that conversation really shifted things.
And it was like that...your story that you shared is like that was me finally putting my wall down and talking to somebody and saying, "Oh, this is where I'm struggling." And then you saying, "No, well, you're not coachable. We're two minutes away and this is how you get there." And then making that little shift and not doing it on my own anymore. And if people would not wander around for an hour and a half to five years, they would get there much quicker.
Melina: It's a great way to end this podcast. It's perfect. It's beautiful. At the end of the day, we aren't meant to do this alone. We aren't meant to, we aren't meant to do life alone. We aren't meant to wander the streets by ourselves when there is somebody literally two minutes away. So, anyway, it's awesome. I love you guys. I really appreciate each one of you sharing. I appreciate your journey. I appreciate your willingness to be as transparent as you have been. I know it's not easy because you're boys and you know boys don't share, so...
Oscar: Or ask for directions.
Melina: Or ask for directions. So thank you for that. So, Oscar, why don't you sign this out?
Oscar: Yeah, so I guess we're flipping out.
Melina: We're flipping out. I'm Melina Boswell, your host of the Flippin' Off Podcast. I really hope you enjoyed it. If you did, we'd love for you to subscribe, give us a five-star rating, and tell your friends all about us. You can find more episodes of the Flippin' Off Podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, Stitcher or wherever else you like to listen to awesome podcasts like this. If you like what you've heard, we'd really appreciate it if you'd follow us on Facebook and Instagram and tell us the stories that you'd like to hear. Tim Jackson is our senior producer. Luke Jackson is our editor. Brothers. Josh Mauldin is our producer. Sound design by Frequency Factory. Our executive producer is Mind & Mill. This was all created by Dave Boswell for New Wealth Advisors Club.