Stirring Bravery and Courage - Episode 50

Podcast Transcription

Melina: Welcome to Flippin Off, a purpose-driven podcast about flipping houses and making a difference.

Tim: So we are live. 

Melina: Okay. Hey, well, we are so scripted. Can you tell? Hey, welcome, everybody. Melina Boswell here, co-founder of New Wealth Advisors Club, and if I'm being honest, every time I introduce myself I'm still struggling with am I founder or co-founder, right? You can hear me pause every time. That's the absolute truth. I needed to acknowledge that. So, welcome to the Flippin Off podcast. Today is a very, very special day. Actually, this is our 50th episode which marks a significant time I think in our journey through podcasting and as a club and specifically for my life personally. So today in the studio, I have with me Oscar Solares.

Oscar: Hey, howdy.

Melina: Howdy. And Mr.Tim Wilkinson.

Tim: Hello.

Melina: Hello. Today, I have two very very special men. The most important men actually in my life whom which is my sons, David Boswell...

David: Hey hey.

Melina: ...and Andrew Boswell.

Andrew: Hello.

Melina: All right. So today, we decided that it was important to introduce to you my sons as we are moving forward in our business and in our lives. And I thought it was valuable and significant for you guys who are already club members and/or maybe new club members or maybe people just out there listening to our podcasting because you are an entrepreneur, because you're a real estate investor, more importantly because you're an actual human being and I care more about human beings than I do real estate. There's the truth. It turns out that real estate for me has been nothing more than a vehicle to get me to live the life that I believe I was created to live which is an intentional purpose-driven life. 

And so my sons are...David is 27 years old. He is married with children. I feel like that's a show. 

Tim: Good one.

Melina: What was his name?

Oscar: Al Bundy.

Melina: Oh yeah, Al and Peggy. Okay.

Oscar: Squirrel, squirrel.

Melina: I know. Andrew is 24 years old. Both of them will be 25 and 28 this year. So many of you may know this club and this business was created by my husband and I as a result of a need that we found in our own lives. And over the years, we've created a culture that is very rich and deep in relationships and personal development knowing that that is the crux of success in all of live and business. So our plans were to have our sons join us in our business when their time was correct, like when their time was right and not necessarily when our time was right. We figured about five years would be the timing.

You may know that my husband entered into eternity on March 14th of 2018 and so, therefore, our timeline has shifted as a result of a need. And so, both of my sons have moved home back to California from Idaho. So I thought today would be a good opportunity for you to get to know them, to hear their stories, a little bit about where they've been and what they expect to move forward. So we'll start with David. I'm sure that just thrills him. And so, David, son...well, let me share a couple of things that I wanted everybody to know about David that I think are important. Let me identify who he is for you. David is a creative, deep-feeling, emotional, passionate man who is driven by love and who is driven...David is very much my kindred spirit and Dave and I would laugh a lot because David is my kindred spirit and Andrew was Dave's Kindred spirit in terms of our personalities and the way that we do things. 

One of the things that I do in the training for people's first three days that they join is is I help them go through an exercise to identify their two-word personal purpose statement. So David's and Andrew's are very similar but completely different and it's fascinating to me, even as I share about it right now, I feel completely humbled and shocked by their words. So David's words are stirring bravery. That's his purpose in life and that means stirring bravery in other people, and Andrew's is instilling courage. And as I share about each one of them I think you'll understand why. It's really about who you are for the world not about what you need in your life. And so, the first time I had David do this exercise I was really shocked at his two words being stirring bravery. Then as I think through your journey, son, I get why you are stirring bravery. So when David was barely 18 years old, he took on life himself and decided he was gonna move to the great state of Colorado and become an adult because clearly, you know, we didn't know what we were doing. All the brains that I had fell out of my head and went into David's. I'm just kidding but kind of not, right? I think every kid does that. So David did go ahead with his buddy and moved to Colorado and spent...How long were you in Colorado, David? 

David: It was about a year.

Melina: About a year. And during that year, there was a lot of growth that happened, and, you know, many of you know when you're raising your children you have certain expectations and goals and rules that you set and your children either live with it, right, or they don't and they make their own choices, and that's really what happened with David. David was ready to take on the big wide world, and it's been fascinating for us to talk about now what that really looked like. 

So during that one year in Colorado....What would you say you were doing, David, during that time? Were you growing? We wouldn't want details but if you're gonna like sum it up.

Tim: I want details.

Melina: I'm sure you do but you guys can talk about that later not around mom. But if you were gonna, like, you know, maybe, like, put a...if you're gonna identify that time, not necessarily details but, like, how would you categorize that time, that one year in your life? What happened for you?

David: I think before you can go through a growth stage you have to experience...I don't know if that's the right word. I think my main goal in moving to Colorado was just to experience life and all the things that I had never experienced before. We lived a really sheltered, you know, strict lifestyle, and so...

Melina: Wait, Dave Boswell was strict? No.

David: Yeah, so I never had the opportunity to experience a lot of different things, which for good reason, you know, I can see now. But, you know, moving to Colorado was...I don't know.

Melina: Go ahead. Say it.

David: I had no plans to talk about this and I really don't know if I wanna share. Honestly, it wasn't the best choice I've ever made. It was just something that...I don't know. I guess I was supposed to go through. I found it really difficult my childhood to...I always felt like I couldn't live up to the expectations that were set in front of me, you know, and...Actually, I take that back. I knew I could. I always knew that I could, but for a period of time I just don't think I wanted to or I wasn't ready or...

Tim: It's hard.

David: Yeah.

Melina: Yeah, it was really hard.

David: So my trip to Colorado was all about I guess finding myself, you know, figuring out who I was, who I really wanted to be. I knew who my parents wanted me to be. I knew who I should be, but I guess that was all part of the...the trip was just figuring out who that was gonna be. And so, my time there was spent going down every avenue that I never should have. I had to experience firsthand all of the things that I already knew I shouldn't be a part of, so without going into too much detail, you know.

Melina: Sure. You know, I was thinking, dad, when you were speaking right now, you said, "The expectations that were set before you," and dad's two words, provoking greatness. And I was thinking about that as you were speaking, that like you two were the people that he provoked the most greatness in, and it's what you lived your entire life. You lived with him provoking greatness in you. And you didn't always agree, right? I always would say things like, "I can't imagine being our kids." Because both dad and I are very, very driven and you had two parents that are achievers and drivers and...right. And then two kids that are talented and gifted and skilled naturally, and so as wanting to provoke that in you I imagine was tough. I've always said I can't imagine what it was like to be our kids. Hard.

David: Yeah, it's funny too because I was well-equipped, you know, to go out into the world. I felt like I was at least. And I feel it's a really weird dynamic trying to talk about this because I don't know that I've ever even really thought about this before, but I know that, you know, the whole time I was in Colorado each day and all the time I was faced with different decisions and I always feel like I knew the right decision, but each time I felt like I needed to go the opposite route just to test it out and make sure that...That happened so many times over the course of a year until I finally I found myself homeless and hungry and sad, depressed, you know, I just...one decision after another led me to a place that I wouldn't wish for anybody to be. So after I'd finally gone through all of the trials...well, I thought I'd gone through all the trials, I decided that Colorado was no longer a part of my plan. It was no longer a part of me so I'd left and went to Idaho. And we had some family friends who agreed to put me up for...it was supposed to be a transition from moving to Colorado to getting back to California. And I met my beautiful wife...

Melina: Yeah, in Idaho.

David: ...in Idaho and that was it actually. Idaho became my next chapter. So, you know, at this point, I had decided that I wanted to live a level lifestyle, you know. I didn't wanna be going down these crazy roads. I just wanted to live a stable lifestyle. I wanted to make my parents proud. I wanted to make myself proud. I was ready for a new leaf, you know, start doing things that I know I was capable of. Kind of a funny start, but I ended up taking a job at McDonald's. Well, we got pregnant. I'm not gonna lie. We got pregnant and I needed a job. I had to take care of my family so I took a job where I knew I could excel. I knew I would do fine. I knew I could move throw the ranks and so I took a job at McDonald's and I did just that. I moved through the ranks and supported my family and...

Melina: You got pregnant and then you got married before...

David: Yeah.

Melina: No, I'm not twisting it. I'm just saying you didn't have to. You chose that. 

David: Yeah, well, we got pregnant and part of me I guess being true to what I really believe and what I know to be true and real I just...I believe that, you know, if I...I didn't know if we were ready for marriage. We weren't really ready for a kid either, but I was gonna be true to my word and I was into that situation so I was gonna stick it out no matter what. So we got married and I took a crappy job. It was really difficult. Now that I look back at it, it's like I was just making decisions, you know, going from one thing to the next and kinda like a chicken with my head cut off, just a little kid with kids.

Melina: Yeah. So you had little Davy. Why don't you talk about how you named him?

David: So, man...you know, my dad was...I'm just so lost for words right now. I'm sorry. 

Melina: It's okay. I know I put you on the spot.

David: So we named my son after my dad, my stepdad but my dad. His name is David Wayne Boswell. I guess in short I just felt it was the only real way to honor my dad. You know, he had a vasectomy when...how old?

Melina: Twenty-five.

David: He was 25 years old and he had a vasectomy and the only real reason he got that vasectomy was because he never wanted Andrew or I to feel like we weren't a 100% his. He never wanted us to feel like, you know, we weren't completely loved by him. And so, I just felt the only way to really honor him there was to name my first son after him.

Melina: Yup, that is true, very, very true.

David: So...

Melina: Yup, and then you had Trinity.

David: We had little Trin.

Melina: Little Trinity, so Trinity Marie. Three years later, the kids are three years apart and then over the last several years, we have spent a lot of time rebuilding our relationship, getting to know each other. Why don't you talk about what you've been doing in Idaho over the last 10 years really, because it's been 10 years that you've been there? So why don't you share a little bit about what you've been doing during that time, what you did, what you accomplished? 

David: So I feel like I have to just be honest about, like, you know, in the first place because I don't wanna tip-toe around the conversation, but in all honesty I ran away from home. That was the whole purpose for going to Colorado, was I just was at a point in my life where I lost my identity. I didn't know who I was anymore. I didn't know what I wanted to do. I knew that I wasn't performing right where I was, and so I felt like my only option was to run and just run away from all my problems and run away from my dad who put all of my problems right in front of my face so that I would have to fix them. 

Melina: He was really good at that. It's definitely what he did.

David: I couldn't bear it, at least at that time in my life, and so I just wanted to be transparent and put that out there. So in Idaho, like I said it was my transition point. I wanted to ultimately make my way back to California and I never intended on meeting a girl or especially not having kids. I was supposed to be in Idaho for a few months and then I was going back home, but obviously God would have it a different way. So over the next 10 years, I basically was just working on myself trying to better myself, trying to find my career, find my passion. I had always played music growing up in the church, and so it had been probably five years since I had played drums or guitar or anything so I decided to pick my music back up and started playing in a few bands and playing at church again. And I took a multitude of different jobs just trying to find myself. And we got to a point where, you know, we bought a house. I was working a really good job in construction, making good money and it seemed like everything was on track, everything was headed in the direction I had wanted it to be. And so, you know, we said five years was the plan. I think five years from really recently.

Melina: Yeah, yes, very recently. Yeah, because in 2016, you came home and you decided you were gonna maybe make a go with it, and, you know, during that time is when you first really...you came through all of the training that we have at the club with the intention of joining the business. And so, it was your first time really of understanding what we do. And you went through the entire process which I think was important. And what really happened is that you loved it and you said I could see myself doing this, but Idaho is a very...it was a very comfortable lifestyle for you. You had created a life there, you and Kendra.

David: Yeah. It's funny the different phases of how I felt about the state of Idaho over the 10 years that I lived there. At first, I was just miserable. I couldn't even stomach the idea of being there for any longer. It was very lonely. And then slowly, it turned into a place that I...it's definitely in my heart. I love the state. So like you said, it got very comfortable. You know, I could wake up and work a nine to five and come home and quit when I was done and we lived comfortably, but...

Melina: The only reason you ever were gonna come home was to be with us.

David: Yes.

Melina: That was the whole intention really. 

David: That was it.

Melina: So that was the goal. So we started, you know, the thought process in 2016, started moving forward, and then, well, here we are in 2018, and so time has just escalated. And now, here we are with David and Trinity. And one thing I just wanna acknowledge, one thing I'll never ever forget, David, and that was this. That was you saying that your wife and kids saved your life.

David: Yeah.

Melina: Yeah. So even though you were really young, you know, you and Kendra just celebrated your seventh wedding anniversary and that's nothing to flap a lip at, right? It's a big...it's a huge accomplishment. And so, I think that, you know, Tim had said earlier that where you've been and the things that you've done...and I think it's important to acknowledge that dad and I loved you and supported you but we never supported you financially. We always said, you know, "You have to figure it out," right? And by the way, from a mom's heart, it was the most difficult time of my life when I hear my son saying that he was homeless and hungry. And many of you know what my passion is and don't think that those weren't years that were the most difficult for Dave and I for sure. The most difficult decisions we ever had to make as parents.

But I do believe that the worst thing that you can do for you children is coddle them. I think that you need to allow your children to grow and to let their process be their process and not control their entire journey. It is the worst thing we can do as parents even though that's our heart's desire. It's not the right thing to do. And I realized early on that parenting was nothing about me, it has everything to do about them, and too many times I believe parents make parenting about themselves. It's very selfish. Sometimes I tell people in my training you need to understand and figure out what your why is and your why cannot be your children. It's okay to create a legacy and an opportunity for your children to walk in but I think the best gift you can give your children is to live a life that is a good example and to allow their journey to be their journey and not control it, and it's not easy. It's very, very difficult to do. But I stand here with my heart half broken and half, like, [inaudible 00:22:40] out with heartache and pride, both, because listening to David speak has been, you know, both of those things for me.

So we'll come back to David. I wanna talk a little bit about Andrew. Many people don't know Andrew. Andrew is 24 years old, and, you know, for the last couple of years of Andrew's childhood, I home-schooled him through high school. So Andrew's final years in school were really done by Dave and I at home and that was in our business. So I joke a lot when you sit in my office. I used to have a couch and a table there and that was Andrew's classroom. So Andrew learned the business of real estate very, very early, so Andrew joined us in our business when he was really young, 16 years old. Is that right, Andrew?

Andrew: Yeah. Yeah, that's about right, about 16.

Melina: Yeah, and so you learned real estate. We have a running joke around that Andrew could get into any house no matter what if it's vacant. He can get into it. He'll find a way in and you don't have even to blink an eye. And then so, you know, Andrew...gosh, was really a part of our business. As we were building the club, Andrew was involved in the actual building, the physical building and as well as the business model and the culture as you see it sitting today. He was in it for a really, really big part of that at a very young age. And one of the things that I'm very proud of with Andrew is that he could always carry...people would say, "Wow, he can carry on a conversation. He would be 17, 18 years old and could speak with 50, 60-year-olds without a problem." His ability to communicate I think is because of that. So Andrew, why don't you talk about what it was like for you as a teenager if you would, or if there's anything else you wanna bring up, if you wanna talk about your childhood or docks or anything like that, you know?

Andrew: I still have more stories than that one. There's worse than a dock.

Melina: So why don't you share maybe what it was like for you, right, growing up as we were, you know...as a teenager in the real estate business and being surrounded around everybody?

Andrew: Well, jeez. I guess the biggest thing that I go to for...personally, what being around in the business at such a young age did was I learned a great deal about real estate, there's absolutely no doubt. But what was the most influential for me was being able to watch different people come in and the way that they walked into the club and then the way that they were just a couple of months later, and seeing other people's process of growth really helped me to see my own pretty clearly. And it afforded me the opportunity to be able to make decisions based off of experience in different things that I had been just basically discipled by other people around me and everyone's collective opinions and influence I really feel helped to kind of devise a clear path of pretty much what I wanted to do.

And obviously, there was definitely some right and left turns in there, pretty strong ones, but for me I think that that's personally what developed me more than anything was learning from all these great minds that were around me and everything that people were just willing to feed me, honestly. It was probably the best thing about my time around the business as a teenager. It allowed me...I was able to...when I came to deeper or bigger decisions as becoming an adult, I kinda knew pretty clearly on what to do because of being able to see other people go through it and everything and just the counsel that I received.

Melina: So you wanna share a little bit about when David...I mean, David acknowledged that he ran away from home. You wanna share a little bit about how that affected you and impacted you and what happened with you after that?

Andrew: No.

Melina: I'd rather not. Thank you, bye.

Tim: No, moving on.

Melina: I know. I feel like David was pretty riled there so I just, like...I really feel like you need to maybe just...and you can share whatever you feel like sharing, but hey, I thought maybe you could just share a little bit about...because I think that our journey in the last 10 years is really important because I believe that it has a direct influence on where we're headed now and also it has a very impactful influence on how we do business and with life.

Andrew: I mean, I don't know exactly what part...what do you...

Melina: When David left. Do you wanna share about what happened for you when David left?

Andrew: It's weird. I remember the time. I remember it very vividly, but at the same time it's really groggy. I can't tell you....it's probably one of the only times in my life that I can tell you that I didn't have, like, a clear thought. I didn't really know what to do or what to do with myself or...I didn't have a clear thought. I just kind of wanted to shut down very much the same way that I felt in March, very much that same feeling of emptiness. I didn't know what to and I didn't know how to process, and so that led me to rebellion.

Melina: Rebellion.

Andrew: Yeah, pretty much.

Melina: Yeah, and?

Andrew: And then, I woke up one morning and was getting in the car to go to Utah. No, dad came to me one day and had a conversation with me about a month after David ran away, about pretty much just what I was doing and how far my head was shoved up my fourth point of contact. Basically, that it was very clear that I needed to make changes and I knew that and I was clear on that at the time also, and so we pretty much talked about what that looked like and the fact that I was too comfortable at home to really make the changes that I needed to make. So I went to a boarding school, I guess. Yeah, it's considered a boarding school I guess. I went to a boarding school in Utah for a year completely away from my family and my friends. I was allowed a 15-minute phone call once a week with my parents and to...I was allowed to correspond via email with a select few people that they put on a list that I could contact. So I had no contact with friends, no outside influences, nothing and it was geared towards basically getting me caught back up in school and developing leadership qualities.

Melina: Yup, so there it is. So everybody knows this conversation was absolutely not what this was supposed to be about. It's kind of hilarious.

Tim: I was just thinking about it.

Melina: Were you? Were we gonna talk about this? I just think that, again, I believe it's we need to be...I think David hit the nail on the head. We cannot have power in this. We're transparent and so people that are listening to this are gonna know that this isn't comfortable for any of us. We're all sitting here I'm sure with sweaty palms and feeling a little like sweat dripping down my back because it's a very scary, terrifying, I'll even use, position to be in to share this kind of honesty and transparency with people, but I believe that it's important. It's just the truth. So it's just the truth. It is what it is and I don't know any other way to live other than in complete transparency and honesty, and so I've never shared any of these things with my club members. They don't know these things about my children because I would never share them and I think that it's important that you hear from my boys the truth. So Andrew, would you share a little bit about, you know, how that shifted you because you were there in Utah and then you came back and that's when you really joined the business?

Andrew: I guess...yeah, I mean, the biggest thing that happened for me there was really learning to rely on God. That was one of the darkest times of my life and we had a conversation about it where I really felt...it was probably the first time in my life...and I was young but it was probably the first time in my life that I ever felt like I was calling out to God and was receiving no answer and that terrified me. Yeah, it made me feel desperate in everything. But the biggest thing about where I was was it gave me the time and the place to really work that out, and so I started reading books like crazy. I read my Bible like crazy. I played football. I did all these different things to help me clear my head and really get back to a place of, honestly, just listening and hearing what I really needed to do and feeling that and knowing in my heart what I needed to do and where I needed to be.

That was really a big shift to my life, was getting back to that place of feeling like I was walking in the place that I was supposed to be walking in and doing what I was supposed to be doing in the business. I just knew I didn't wanna be like everyone else. I knew I wanted to be unique and I also really...I connected with and I loved just the genius behind it all. It was different and it stood out and it was big and it was about so much more than just the regular things and college seemed like a waste of time to me and it seemed boring. And I didn't wanna go to a place that was all about me and having to study all the time. And it felt like everybody disconnected from the people in their lives when they went to school and that was not something that I wanted to do. I felt that I was better used being around people that were in my life all the time and being able to help people. 

Melina: So now, everybody knows it all. There it is. So when I tell you people, my students, it's not all about your children and you can't live their journey for them I can tell you this. I can tell that both of the boys, you know...when Andrew was gone, it was the most painful time because David was gone at the same time, but I can see now who they've become as a result of those decisions and it seems to me that the timing is just right. One of the things that we had a conversation about as soon as Dave passed away was both of the boys at different times said this to me, and I don't know that they know this, but they both said, "Dad prepared us. Dad gave us everything that we need to move forward. Dad 100% prepped us." So...

Tim: So definitely not where the conversation was gonna go, but I really appreciate it because I completely agree with you, Melina. I see you and David and definitely see Dave and Andrew completely, but more importantly I think is the journey that they both have had is perfect for who they need to be today. And as I was sitting here listening to your journeys, all I could envision and see was our club members. It's exactly what they go through and we see it time and time and time again, right? So you guys are poised, not only did Dave prepared you guys, but you guys are poised through your experiences to really give of yourselves to our club members and help them in their journeys to achieve that greatness that we know they can. So just my perspective on.

David: You know, something that's been really clear to me right now, and then I know my brother went through this and I know I did as well, but while we were gone, I know both of us begged to be bailed out. We so badly were regretful of our decisions, and just like any child I think in that position would want out. It was really hard. I didn't realize what I was getting myself into, you know, and Andrew making the decisions afterward. I don't think he had any idea the path he was gonna go down either, and so my point is both of us wanted to be bailed out and both of us were told no. Both of us were forced to stick it out and go through what the choice we had made, you know. We were forced to live it out. And I know that very difficult decision to say no by both mom and dad probably saved my life, probably saved our lives. 

Andrew: Oh yeah, without a doubt.

David: Thanks, mom.

Oscar: I think there's something to be said about both of your journeys because I think there's a lot of people....like, we all have our journeys and, you know, Melina always says we're just a group of misfits. And if there's anybody out there who wonders like, "Do I really fit in because of this or that in my past," or whatever, like, I think there's some power in all of us sharing our stories, but there's power in that because people tend to think, or I know I used to think, that I was the only one who had challenges in my life. And frankly, there are times when I hear other people's challenges and I'm like, "What the heck am I complaining about," you know. We have a club member. We'll probably do a meeting...one of these, whatever they're called, podcasts is, but his story is like very powerful and the things that he's gone through are just insane, Mike, and I just want to acknowledge that. If you're out there and you're wondering, like, you know, am I acceptable inside this group of misfits? The answer is yeah. I mean, we've all been through challenges and we've all done stupid stuff and...

Melina: Yeah, I feel like, you know, what happens is that people see me specifically...look at Dave and me and, you know, we have the perfect life, right? You know, this great marriage, this great house. We have the cars, the cutest dog in the world, you know, just, you know, a successful business and all these things, right? And the truth is that that's all true. That is all true, but there's the back story that we don't have a perfect life. We didn't have a perfect life, that we experienced a lot of loss and a lot of pain and a lot difficult decisions to make, and still we have been able to create what we've been able to create, and this maybe gives a little bit more context to why people are so important and that everything...I don't stand up on that stage or sit behind this microphone and ask people to be some sort of way that I haven't absolutely lived myself and I believe that that's really important.

And I know that for every person out there, my challenge is this, own your story. Like, own your story, where you've been, what you've been through. Living in shame, living in darkness, living in lies, there's no power in that. That actually makes you week. That makes you unable to have any effect or any impact on anybody else in this world, and this world is just not about us personally. That's the truth.

Oscar: Absolutely.

Melina: So for our 50th episode, I think this was probably the perfect one. As it turns out, somehow we felt that the number 50 had some significance. I don't know what it is exactly, but I do know that it's significant and I know that there's significance and power in the truth. And something that just really hit me right now was this is that the truth always sets you free. The truth always sets you free. And so my challenge is acknowledge the truth, live in it, and share it, and go have an impact on everybody else around you. So everybody have a great day however you're listening to this. This is the Boswells stepping out.